Geordie Hatter’s top five songs of all time
From Camera Obscura to Talulah Gosh, with a little bit of Madness along the way
Sunday 30 April 2023
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and anyone else joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Sunday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
Let’s talk TV shows for a moment. I didn’t exactly cover myself in glory with my appearances on Countdown or The 1% Club, but if I ever pluck up the courage to go back on the telly, and end up on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, I’m definitely using Jonathan Baker as my “phone a friend” if I get stuck on a music question.
Regular readers who enjoy our match previews will know that I do ask Jonathan questions about County when we’re playing at home, but when we’re away, I demand top five playlists from him, featuring bands and artists from Cumbria or Wales or wherever it is the Hatters are travelling to. As you’ll know, his music knowledge is exquisite; his writing equally so.
We’d already discussed the dulcet tones of Cockney music-makers such as Billy Bragg and Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine in the build-up to County’s trip to Charlton back in November, so I found myself scratching my head as to what question I could put to Geordie Hatter ahead of another trip to London yesterday.
Then, it came to me, like a proper light bulb moment. (It’s a shame that light bulb didn’t switch itself on about halfway through my Countdown appearance, when I declared “one away” in a numbers game, offered my solution to Rachel Riley, before realising there was still a sodding number one that I hadn’t used. Cue every single person in the studio entering into a collective and very palpable puzzled silence as to why I wasn’t using the remaining number one to hit the target bang on. But obviously once you’ve declared your answer, you can’t then simply subtract a one at the end, even though it’s practically whacking you in the face begging to be used, and even though you know you’re going to look like a complete and utter tit on national television.)
Having insisted on Geordie Hatter writing about very geographically-specific music compilations throughout the campaign, I thought I’d be nice on this occasion, and allow him to talk about his personal favourites, his top five songs of all time, regardless of where you’d find them on the map. It’s such a wonderful piece of writing, rather than chuck it into yesterday’s weekly preview, I thought I’d shine a light on it for today’s main feature instead.
Finally, a big thank you to Paul at Colourtone for sponsoring today’s edition. See below for further details on what they have to offer.
Des Junior
1) “Super Trouper” by Camera Obscura
In my earliest pop-related memory, I am scampering across the recreation green near our house in the West End of Newcastle. It's a springtime Saturday morning, I'm about six years old, and I'm singing along at the top of my voice to the crackly sound emanating from a portable battery-operated mono cassette player - probably in the process attracting quizzical glances from people walking their dogs or waiting for the number 12 bus into town, but I'm so lost in the beat coming out of the primitive soundsystem that I'm entirely oblivious.
The newly-discovered band that has captured my infant heart is Abba, who my mam (owner of the cassette, and for that matter the cassette player) has informed me have just won something called The Eurovision Song Contest, and come from a place called Sweden. I don't know where Sweden is, but I do know with absolute certainty that my friend Martin Lincoln, who lives in the street leading off from the green, needs to hear this “Super Trouper” song without delay, and to fall as precipitously and irredeemably in love with it as I have already. Breathless, I clatter at his doorknob, only to encounter his big sister, who informs me he's gone to the swimming baths with his dad.
Maybe 40 years on, I fall in love with the song all over again, in the form of this cover version by Glasgow indie-popsters Camera Obscura. I love how the female vocal here brings out the lovelorn theme of the lyric, and wonder what my evidently irresistible attraction towards nostalgia-infused Europop anthems at the tender age of six might suggest about some deep area of my psyche that, on balance, I think I will leave to its own darkly unexplored devices. And move on to...
2) “Our House” by Madness
I'm fully 14 years old now, and where pop music is concerned, dilettante childish fancy has given way to outright obsession. The crackly cassette player has also long been subjected to an upgrade, usurped in household use by a portable record player (also mono, and only slightly less crackly) which lives with me in my bedroom.
Every second Saturday (when I don't need all my paper round money to gain access to the Gallowgate End), I stay on the number 12 bus past St James' Park and call into the city centre WHSmith, there to peruse the seven-inch single selection. Some weeks I might be there for hours, internally weighing up the relative merits of Dexys Midnight Runners versus Bananarama, or Matt Bianco versus The Human League. This week however, I'm in and out in three minutes, because Madness have got a new single out, and given that they are my Official Favourite Band, my outlay of £1.35 is heading only one way.
Fast forward now to the present day: I've still got the copy of “Our House” that I picked up that afternoon, and I remain convinced of its status as a masterpiece of pop. The first three seconds, when the slide guitar intro gives way to the opening line of Suggs' homespun stream-of-consciousness lyric, are still capable of reducing me to tears (you might have picked up by now, pop music can exert quite a pull on my emotions...). Before we're all in actual floods then, best move on to...
3) “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out” by The Smiths
I'm 19 now, and have left the West End of Newcastle behind to become a student at the Polytechnic (ask your mum, it's a sort of lower-status provincial university they used to have in the 1980s) of Wolverhampton. On alternate Saturday afternoons I walk the short distance from my low-rent digs to witness the equally low-rent endeavours of Fourth Division Wolverhampton Wanderers.
On every single Saturday night I walk the slightly further few yards to the Students Union, where in exchange for an also remarkably economic £2.50, access is gained to a choice of two discos: the “Upstairs” one featuring actual disco music and proper dancing, and the “Downstairs” one, which specialises in the three-minute slices of lovelorn indiepop featured nightly on the late night John Peel Show on the radio. The “Downstairs” one is frequented by boys in second-hand cardigans and girls in thick black eyeliner and Dr Martens shoes. There are no prizes for guessing which dancefloor I was to be found clutching a subsidised can of Red Stripe on, and even less for determining that the number guaranteed to get every pair of cardigan sleeves/Dr Martens grooving was this one.
I should also add that my so-called “love life” was in the midterm section of an extended “lean spell in front of goal” during this particular year/decade, so I was firmly of the belief that Mr Morrissey had written the song for me personally. At a later point I married a girl from the “Upstairs” disco, but as this is another story entirely, we had best move on to…
4) “Penny Lane” by The Beatles
It's the present day now (well near enough; a couple of years ago), and along with Charlotte - aka that girl from the “Upstairs” disco - and our son Frankie - aka, at least in this present company, as Young Geordie Hatter - we are on a short excursion from our adopted Stockport home to another town reputed for the excellence of its musical and footballing output and its proximity to the River Mersey.
I'm talking about Liverpool, which (and you might not know this, because the locals, among whom Charlotte counts herself, tend to keep it on the quiet side, if anything) was the birthplace of a band called The Beatles. In a rare show of understated recognition of its place in popular music history, the city’s tourist authority have deigned to lay on a low-profile nod to the seminal mopheaded four-piece, in the form of a convoy of technicolour-liveried triple-decker buses, departing from the Pier Head every three minutes and hosted by multilingual guides breathlessly pointing out landmarks pertinent to their remarkable decade-long oeuvre.
Presently we arrive at the unprepossessing suburban thoroughfare Penny Lane, where in my favourite section of the whole affair, our guide points out the bank where the manager runs out without a mac on and the barbers that the fireman runs into, escaping the pouring rain. Unfortunately due to a technical oversight there is no pouring rain available on the day of our visit, but when the commentary stops and the song comes on… well, suffice to say there is a small display of waterworks, except it's emanating from my eyes, and there is the square root of bugger all I can do to make it stop. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it yet, but pop music - really bloody great pop music - can play havoc with my internal wiring, it really can. Talking of which…
5) “Talulah Gosh” by Talulah Gosh
I'm… well… I'm any age at all now, by which I mean that on every single occasion that I hear this track (and it is contractually stipulated that I should hear it at least once weekly, lest my Ageing Indiepopster Cards be confiscated and I be banished to the “Upstairs” disco), I am compelled to stop whatever I'm doing, and should the setting be somewhere appropriate for displays of public affection towards popular music (E.g. the kitchen, but probably not the neighbourhood recreation green, as the rules are different for 55-year-olds than they are for 6-year-olds, apparently), dance around like a dervish in my second-hand cardigan and Dr Martens shoes for its duration, while belting out the lyrics at the top of my voice.
I love everything about this cruelly under-recognised slice of perfect pop music: the changes of pace which remind me of Ollie Crankshaw bringing his full-back to a halt before thrillingly skinning him on the outside; the insistent jangle of the three-minute guitar melody; and of course (of course!) that note of lovelorn nostalgia for a time that never was, so captivatingly portrayed through the lyric (Amelia Fletcher is the lead singer's name by the way; I just feel you should know).
Actually now that we mention it, I’ve not listened to “Talulah Gosh” by Talulah Gosh since Tuesday, so in the interests of contractual compliance must repair to Spotify, with immediate effect. Does the cafe of Hazel Grove Sainsbury’s constitute a socially-acceptable location for a display of cardigan-arm-waving by a gentleman of a certain age, do we think? County fans, there is only one way to find out…
How good was that! I told you this piece was worth saving until Sunday to publish it as a main feature. Geordie Hatter’s also put together his top 10 playlist for us, so you can listen to his favourite five discussed above, as well as the other five tracks which made his longlist. Interestingly, there’s one from Tranmere supporters Half Man Half Biscuit in there, which we could all be singing along to a week on Monday if Rovers can do the business against the Cobblers.
Give your car a lick of paint
Granted, Stockport used to be a little rough around the edges. But the town’s getting a good old lick of paint these days, with fancy new offices, apartments, bars and restaurants springing up. You can’t be driving up and down the A6 in a tatty car with chipped paintwork, so give your car a nice lick of paint too. Colourtone is your go-to company for that. They’ve been servicing the automotive and industrial markets in Cheshire and Greater Manchester for decades, and carry an extensive range of car paint and industrial paints.
Visit colourtone.com for further details.
Today in SK
🎤 I’m sure one or two County fans have a slight hangover today, but for those who fancy a few beers (tomorrow is a Bank Holiday after all) head down to The Alexandra (SK3), with Helen Foran singing live from 4pm.
🎶 There’s free jukebox at the Nelson Tavern (SK1) between 3pm and 6pm.
⚽️ Couple of Premier League games on the telly this afternoon. Fulham v City at 2pm followed by Liverpool v Spurs at 4.30pm. Bask (SK1) will have all the action on their big screens.
Good & Bad
A number of our readers reflect on April.
👍 Good 👍
County clinching a play-off place with a game to spare.
Bradford doing us a favour at Northampton, taking the automatic promotion race down to the final day.
The late-night pizzas at Notion on the market.
Mark Steel’s new stand-up show on tour.
Away days.
Doing a 300k steps challenge for a charity called Candlelighters, which raises money for kids with cancer in Yorkshire. At first I was walking about 200 yards before needing GTN and sometimes needed to go out just before midnight to get my steps in. I haven't needed the GTN for the last couple of weeks and finished the walk three days early. I'm now strolling 5k with no issues. I've stopped three meds and dropped six inches off my six-pack.
Mozzarella Dippers at McDonald’s.
Inventing a brilliant game at work called: “Close your eyes and stick your finger in my mystery food pot.”
Celebrating a big birthday with five different groups of friends over the course of a week.
👎 Bad 👎
Owners who don’t pick up dog shit.
Owners who do pick up dog shit but leave it hanging off trees in plastic bags.
Burnley winning the league.
Wrexham winning the league.
City (probably) winning the league.
Suella Braverman acting like a twat on a constant basis.
Beer prices in London.
Inventing a brilliant game at work called: “Close your eyes and stick your finger in my mystery food pot.” But then using rollmop herring for the first game which means no one will play with me now.
The County fan in the last minute of added time at Gillingham. County corner. Huge momentum. Let's take it quick! Instead of throwing the ball onto pitch, the County fan hoofed it onto the stadium roof. Momentum lost. Delayed corner. Full-time. Ended 1-1.
Becoming a septuagenarian.
Photo of the day
Sandbach United FC
Congratulations to County’s friendly neighbours Cheadle Town who won promotion yesterday with a 3-1 victory over Sandbach United in their play-off final. Here’s Jordan Lazenbury celebrating with the trophy, who made four appearances for County during the 2014-15 season, scoring once in a 3-0 win at Ramsbottom United in the FA Trophy.
Here’s a selection of social media photos from County’s final away game of the season (please let this be true Tranmere, please let this be true Tranmere, please let this be true Tranmere)
Never mind Google or Yell.com, we’ve got you covered
STOP! That got your attention, didn’t it? Just a quick one… I’d hazard a guess that at some point in April, all of our readers will use Google or Yell.com at some point looking for a particular product or service. But before you do, please have a quick look at our own directory to see if we have what you’re looking for. A number of great businesses support The Scarf My Father Wore, allowing us to publish fresh content every day, so let’s send a few enquiries their way in return.
Click here to have a look at all the businesses in our directory.
Fantastic bit of writing!