Whoa, we’re halfway there
The verdict on all 24 teams in League Two as we reflect on the first half of the campaign
Saturday 21 January 2023
County’s game against Northampton last Saturday was our 24th of the season, meaning we’re now exactly halfway through the 46-game League Two campaign. Screw you Sunak, my maths are spot on. And put your fucking seatbelt on.
For this week’s Saturday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore, I thought I’d put together a special weekend long read for you. I’ve spent the last few days pestering rival supporters on Twitter to get their assessments on the first half of the campaign, as well as asking them to grade their team’s performance in the style of the Ofsted school ratings. (Grade 1 - outstanding; Grade 2 - good; Grade 3 - requires improvement; Grade 4 - inadequate.) I actually sent a real Ofsted inspector to Gresty Road by mistake and they’ve been placed into special measures. If today’s game ends up being called off, it’s not because of the weather - they found Dario Gradi pretending his willy was a Flake in the Ice Cream Stand.
There’s not long to go until ‘A Curry with Colin Woodthorpe’ - our first live event of 2023. It’s taking place at Last Monsoon in Stockport on Monday 30 January at 7.30pm. Come and join us for an entertaining evening with one of Gary Megson’s first County signings ahead of our first season in Division One in 1997-98. Colin’s an absolutely lovely bloke, and having made 171 appearances for County, he’s got some fantastic stories from his five years at Edgeley Park.
You’ll also get poppadoms, mixed starters, curry, rice and naan breads. As well as a full colour souvenir programme. All for just £20. Fancy it? Send me a text or give me a call on 07816 111150, or you can email desmondhinks@hotmail.co.uk
Finally, today’s edition is sponsored by A E Thomas & Co. Big thank you to Scott, and if you need your windows cleaning, there’s further details below.
Des Junior
1st: Leyton Orient (Grade 1)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Bradford (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 2-0 v AFC Wimbledon (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Yeah, they’re up already aren’t they? Fair play to them after that crazy Italian bloke took them out of the league not so long ago. Fingers crossed they’ve won the title by the end of April, as our last away game is at their place, and we might need a win to join them in League One…
@OrientOutlook - I think we’d have to be insane not to rate our season so far as outstanding, as we’ve had a sensational first half, currently top by five points and an amazing 15 points clear of Carlisle in 4th place.
Super Richie Wellens has done an amazing job this season, and whilst recruitment was good in the summer with the captures of George Moncur, Charlie Kelman and Idris El-Mizouni, we couldn’t have dreamed to pick up the amount of points we have.
Defensively we have looked very strong, keeping the highest amount of clean sheets in the league and with the fewest goals conceded. Lawrence Vigouroux has continued to excel in goal and the centre-back pairing of Dan Happe and Omar Beckles has been immense, with Tom James chipping in with some special goals from right-back.
In midfield Darren Pratley is having a superb season marshalling the midfield, along with Idris who reads the game so well, meaning George Moncur can have freedom in his number 10 role attacking from midfield.
Up front we’ve seen the best player in the league in Paul Smyth continue to excel from his strong finish to last season with an incredible first half of this season, chipping in with nine goals (mostly worldies) whilst making things happen for other players. Theo Archibald is a menace on the right-hand side whilst Charlie Kelman and Aaron Drinan work tirelessly hard pressing from up front.
In addition to this squad players have really stepped up when needed such as Ruel Sotiriou who has scored some vital goals, and Jordan Brown who has played in numerous positions.
So as it stands things do look good for the O’s, but we’ve supported this club for long enough to know that things can change very quickly. However, we’re hopeful that we can stay in the promotion places and will be celebrating in May.
Up the O’s!
2nd: Stevenage (Grade 1)
Biggest win so far: 5-0 v Barrow (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 v Bradford (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Nobody wants to see Steve Evans naked in a bath drinking champagne do they? But it’ll probably happen in May. Along with Orient, Stevenage are well on their way to League One. With their FA Cup win at Villa this month, it seems like they’re having one of those seasons which will ultimately end in promotion.
@TSFCPodcast - It’s definitely a Grade 1 for us at Stevenage. What a season we’ve had so far and where to start! Going into this season our objective was to become a top half team after three poor seasons. Our manager Steve Evans recruited a terrific squad and kept the numbers minimal so every single team member has a role to play and it’s worked a dream. We’ve built an identity at home winning 11 of our 13 matches and have had this superb ability to score so many late goals. We’re sitting in 2nd place with 52 points, knowing that we’re safe, with all eyes and hopes on promotion. What a turnaround it’s been and we’re so excited for what’s to come in 2023.
3rd: Northampton (Grade 2.5)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Rochdale (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 2-0 v County (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: I’m an extremely positive and optimistic County fan, but I’d like to think I’m fairly realistic as well. In the build-up to the Northampton game, I said I thought we’d have to win to stand a chance of finishing 3rd. The Cobblers looked decent for large periods of the game, don’t get me wrong, but we found a way to win, and I now genuinely believe we’ve got a chance of automatic promotion. Northampton missed out on the top three in the final minutes of last season as Bristol Rovers beat already-relegated Scunthorpe 7-0. How about Northampton suffer the same fate once again in May, as we put seven past already-relegated Hartlepool to nick 3rd. That’d be a giggle wouldn’t it!
@CobblersToMe - Can I go with a 2.5? In terms of league position, there’s no question that we should be thinking of this season as being good so far. But, as a club and fanbase, we are aiming for automatic promotion this year and our last 15 games have been pretty average.
If we don’t get promotion this year, we will have failed so we must improve on our last 15 results if we are to match expectation.
4th: Carlisle (Grade 1.5)
Biggest win so far: 4-1 v Salford (A)
Biggest defeat so far: 2-0 v County (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Orient are the only team to win up in Cumbria this season. That’d be an awkward one in the play-offs.
@bruntonbugle - Can I ask for a Grade 1.5? We sit 4th, which is outstanding, despite an ongoing injury list which makes one of those major incident episodes of Casualty look like a bruised toe. January will be huge for us; we need two or three in to counteract those who are out long-term. Performances have been good, despite the odd blip - away to yourselves and Doncaster being the awful ones - and there’s lots to look forward to. This division is incredibly tight, and there’s no reason why we shouldn’t maintain our place bang in the mix if we maintain our performance levels.
5th: Salford
Biggest win so far: 4-1 v Grimsby (A)
Biggest defeat so far: 4-1 v Carlisle (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Couldn’t find a Salford fan to speak to. They’re like mythical creatures that lot; more chance of finding a bottle of Prime on Castle Street. Hope they drop out of the play-offs.
6th: Swindon (Grade 3)
Biggest win so far: 5-0 v Grimsby (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 v Harrogate (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: An eventful start to 2023 at the County Ground. A change of manager. Charlie Austin returning (and scoring in his first game). Might give them the impetus to push for automatic promotion.
@LoathedStranger - Ultimately fans want promotion but we’re only inside the play-off places by a single point currently. A strange first half of the season completed by our head coach Scott Lindsey opting to leave for Crawley possibly knowing that his days at Swindon were numbered? Time will tell. The first half of the campaign has been all about inconsistent results as many of the performances have been quite samey - sometimes we narrowly win, sometimes we narrowly lose. The fans were beginning to really question whether Lindsey was capable of taking this side up; others have questioned the quality of the squad so we’ll find out in time who was right. Now we go into the second half with a new head coach and a new centre-forward, the returning Charlie Austin. I'm both looking forward and intrigued to see how this plays out.
7th: Bradford (Grade 2.5)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Stevenage (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 v Leyton Orient (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: A trip to Valley Parade in the play-offs. Just imagine.
@thecitygent - I would have to mark Bradford as Grade 2.5 - good, but requires improvement.
Most clubs in League Two would be happy with 40 points from the first 25 games of the season, but there’s that nagging doubt that the points tally for the Bantams should have been much better. Being consistently inconsistent is part of the club’s DNA, just look at the way we ended up losing 2-1 at home to out-of-form Rochdale at Valley Parade last week. The squad at Mark Hughes’ disposal should be good enough to mount a serious challenge for the automatic places but I fear the inconsistency will mean they’ll be scrapping with eight or nine other clubs for the four play-off spots. And we all know what a lottery the play-offs can be.
8th: Barrow (Grade 3)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Crewe (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 5-0 v Stevenage (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Decent enough, but I think a couple of teams currently below (ourselves included) will strengthen more effectively in January to finish above them.
@barrowontouryt - Our first half of the season has been good, sitting 8th in the league without any fears of a regulation battle like last year. Progress on and off the pitch has been good, and I’d like us to reach the play-offs, but even if we finished in the top half that would still be a massive achievement.
9th: Mansfield (Grade 4)
Biggest win so far: 5-2 v AFC Wimbledon (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 5-2 v Swindon (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Something’s not quite clicking at Field Mill since they reached Wembley last season. I’m not sure the Stags will make the top seven, which wouldn’t be a bad thing. With our record at Mansfield over the years, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near them in the play-offs.
@mtfcmatters - We’ve taken a backwards step since losing the play-off final, and having failed to recruit in key areas, once again we’re paying the price for a lack of depth in the squad. We seem to be constantly plagued with injuries and have stubbornly stuck with playing five at the back with players playing out of position. Whilst we’ve ground some results out, we’ve really struggled to score goals to light the touch paper and build on an exciting end to the previous campaign. As for the second half of the season? Investment to strengthen in January and playing 4-3-3! If we do that, League One calls; failure to do so and it’ll be a tough new year.
10th: County (Grade 2)
Biggest win so far: 5-0 v Hartlepool (A)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-1 v Grimsby (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: I said we’d win the league after winning at Altrincham last January (I have witnesses). This January, after beating Northampton, I’m saying we’ll finish 3rd. As things stand, that would mean trips to Huddersfield, Blackpool and Wigan next season. Ooo, I’m moist already…
11th: Walsall (Grade 2)
Biggest win so far: 4-0 v Hartlepool (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 2-0 v County (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: I reckon they’ll be fighting for a play-off place on the final day.
@OnePodBeyond - First quarter of the season: requires improvement. Second quarter of the season: outstanding. So that’s a ‘good’ overall.
If we continue the form that’s seen us at the top of the form table in League Two, we’ll be a shoo-in for the play-offs. The loss of Liam Bennett and fellow loanee Danny Johnson will be keenly felt but we trust Mike Flynn to have replacements ready to go. While sustaining our current run of form seems unlikely over the next four months, with a solid defence and the best goalscoring record in the division from set pieces, a top seven finish has to be the aim.
12th: Doncaster (Grade 3)
Biggest win so far: 4-1 v Crawley (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 (three times)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Might have to wait until next season to get back up to League One.
@18Dapper - We’ve been very inconsistent throughout the season. Partially player performances but also impacted by a change in manager. I hope Danny [Schofield] is backed to bring in a few fresh faces in January to give us that little push needed to find consistency and break into the top seven.
13th: AFC Wimbledon (Grade 3)
Biggest win so far: 2-0 (four times)
Biggest defeat so far: 5-2 v Mansfield (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Don’t think they’ll trouble the top seven.
@14thefrog - Started abysmally, we were awful to watch and easy to beat. Since then we've gone direct and have been on a good run. We have an outside chance of sneaking into the play-offs, but since the sale of Ayoub Assal, more likely top half.
14th: Sutton (Grade 2.5)
Biggest win so far: 2-0 v Hartlepool (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 (twice)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: There’s a lot better above them but a lot worse below. The very definition of mid-table.
@Gandermonium - Let me explain. We’ve had a ton of injuries this season, so getting anything like a first choice XI out has been impossible since the opening day when key defender Ben Goodliffe hobbled off with a knee ligament injury. We’ve largely been in ‘battling/grinding for every point mode’ for much of the first half and certainly in the last couple of months. So a ‘requires improvement’ would probably have been a fair shout. However, the fact that we’d managed to get halfway to the magical 50 points survival mark in that spell means the efforts of the squad and management have to be recognised.
Plus, we’ve picked up 10 points from a possible 15 since Christmas. We’ve mananged to get that proper first choice XI out on the pitch and have reinforcements to come in still. We’re four points off the play-offs, which is absurd really. So yeah, it was a ‘requires improvement’ but is now definitely trending towards ‘good’.
Can we make the play-offs? Who knows, but the fact we’re only four points off at the moment, I wouldn’t want to predict what’s still to come this season. Ask me again once we’ve hit 50 points!
15th: Tranmere (Grade 2.5)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 (three times)
Biggest defeat so far: 2-0 (three times)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Might get into the top half but they’re too inconsistent for the play-offs.
@ATTTMPod - There have been good moments, but there have also been some disappointing defeats as well.
We had a five-game winning streak, without conceding a goal, but then failed to win any of our next eight, before beating Doncaster on Boxing Day. So when the form has been good, it's been very good, but when Rovers have been a little bit off, they've struggled to pick up many points.
Hopefully the current movement in the transfer market can elevate the squad to the level Micky Mellon wants and he will be able to push Rovers up towards the top seven.
16th: Grimsby (Grade 3)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Crawley (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 5-0 v Swindon (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Bit similar to ourselves, a season or two at this level wouldn’t be a bad thing after coming up from the National League together. We just seem to be having a crack at another promotion a little bit sooner. Grimsby might be a good bet for the play-offs next season.
@codalmighty - Stop staring out of the window and do your homework otherwise you'll fail your exams. All that hard work you did last year will be wasted if you don't buck up.
We are what we are. Hard work. In every sense.
The euphoria of the grand return is wearing off as Town are melting away towards the dead zone. We are where the sanguine and the sentient expected us to be, but not where anyone wants to be - in the crumble zone. We have a strong squad but a weak team, for everyone has middling pace, middling height and middling skill. We're middling and now in a muddle as everyone has seen us once and can see the flaws.
So what do we want? Five more wins. What do we need? A striker. Organisationally, financially, we're a couple of years ahead of where the owners planned, and it shows.
There's always next year. Hopefully.
17th: Crewe
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Harrogate (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 (four times)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Couldn’t find a Crewe fan to speak to. They’re like mythical creatures that lot; more chance of finding a bottle of Prime on Castle Street. Hope they go down.
18th: Newport (Grade 3.5)
Biggest win so far: 4-0 v Harrogate (A)
Biggest defeat so far: 2-0 (four times)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Might start sweating a bit if the teams below them win a couple of games.
@DrEdBridges - If we don't strengthen in the window, we could get dragged into a relegation scrap. The place is very flat at the minute despite much optimism 12 months ago.
19th: Colchester (Grade 3)
Biggest win so far: 3-0 v Doncaster (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-1 (twice)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Won’t go down.
@JonWaldron1 - It’s been a tough time for the U's in the first half of the campaign but there are signs of hope. They look like they have turned the corner after four wins from five and have brought in a number of players in the transfer window to give them a boost in the second half of the season.
20th: Harrogate
Biggest win so far: 4-1 v Rochdale (A)
Biggest defeat so far: 4-0 v Newport (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Couldn’t find a Harrogate fan to speak to. They’re like mythical creatures that lot; more chance of finding a bottle of Prime on Castle Street. Hope they go down. So I guess that’s me voting for three up three down with the National League.
21st: Crawley
Biggest win so far: 2-0 v Swindon (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 4-1 v Doncaster (A)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Actually, make that four up four down. Crypto c***s.
22nd: Rochdale (Grade 4)
Biggest win so far: 2-1 (twice)
Biggest defeat so far: 4-1 v Harrogate (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Henderson might score enough goals to keep them up, but by the skin of their teeth.
@CharxRafc - Unfortunately we are struggling down at the bottom of the league. Performances and results on the pitch have been extremely disappointing but off the pitch we are now looking for outside investment which is a huge worry as a fan, especially with the transfer window closing soon. As a fan, I am hoping we can survive relegation this season and improve but I’m extremely worried with the teams around us strengthening their squads and adding quality. I just feel it’s not looking good for Rochdale at the moment and our chances of survival are slim.
23rd: Hartlepool (Grade 4)
Biggest win so far: 2-0 (twice)
Biggest defeat so far: 5-0 v County (H)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Fuck it, I’m going to stick my neck out on this one. County to clinch promotion on the final day of the season, as Dave Challinor sends Hartlepool back into non-league. You could actually see that happening, couldn’t you?
@HUFC_NWC - I don’t think we need to answer your question. I think it’s pretty obvious what we’d rate our season. [I sensed the tone within the room and added the Grade 4 myself after their arsey reply. Bloody monkey hangers.]
24th: Gillingham (Grade 4)
Biggest win so far: 2-0 v Hartlepool (H)
Biggest defeat so far: 3-0 (twice)
Des Junior’s expert opinion: Their new American owner might spent a few quid and keep them up, but then he’s going to kill all the Gillingham fans before baking them in a giant Priestfield pie and eating them. (Definite serial killer vibes in his videos.)
@GillsInTheBlood - A campaign that has so far been plagued by a severe lack of budget, negative tactics brought on by a manager seemingly not trusting his players and a chronic lack of things other teams call goals.
To be honest, it’s a miracle we are still even in touch considering we have ‘rattled’ along at 0.30 goals per game to this point.
However, with the recent takeover comes a whole lotta dollar and a whole lotta hope that we will ultimately have enough to avoid the dreaded drop.
Give those windows of yours a clean
There’s exciting things happening in Stockport at the moment isn’t there? County pushing for League One, parties at Bask every weekend, millions being spent on the town centre redevelopment. You want to be able to (metaphorically) see all these things clearly out of your windows don’t you? Step forward, A E Thomas & Co, one of the leading independent window cleaning companies covering Stockport and the north-west. Take a look at your windows right now. Are they a bit grubby? Get in touch with Scott and he’ll have them looking shinier than the National League trophy.
Today in SK
🕺 Whether you’re celebrating County’s three points at Crewe, or cheering yourself up with a few beers after it’s called off, Bask is the place to be tonight. DJ Gareth Brooks is on the decks from 7pm till 2am.