The king has had his coronation, now let’s have the Grimsby summation…
Our fellow National League promotion-winners never really looked like joining us in the race for League One, but they did enjoy one hell of a cup run this year
Thursday 18 May 2023
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and any Grimsby supporters joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Thursday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
Plymouth, Cambridge, Burton, Luton and Southampton. League One, League One, League One, Championship and Premier League. With five victories against teams from a higher division, that was some FA Cup run from Grimsby this season, before they got stuffed 5-0 at Brighton in the quarter-finals - their first appearance in the last eight since the 1930s.
The brilliant Tony Butcher from Cod Almighty joins us today to share some of his memories from Grimsby’s FA Cup exploits, as well as offering his pearls of wisdom on the important matters of the day like corned beef sandwiches and Branston Pickle.
Finally, a big thank you to Kate’s K-9’s Tails & Trails for sponsoring today’s edition. It’s that time of year when people are starting to get ready for their summer holidays. Kate offers pet sitting services for those going abroad for a week or two, so if you’re jetting off for sunnier climes shortly, give Kate a call so that you’ll have peace of mind that your pets are being well looked after while you’re sipping a piña colada on the beach.
Enjoy today’s issue.
Des Junior
Had King Charles invited you to his coronation celebrations, and insisted you brought him the best food you’d experienced inside a League Two ground this season, what would you have treated him to?
I’d have stayed at home, munching my corned beef sandwiches with a little bit of pickle, live and exclusive from my own secret pocket in my big steward-befuddling coat.
Tony’s Top Tip: I recommend the pickle with small chunks. Less spillage and saves on the dry cleaning.
Charles is now king of the UK. But who would you choose to be crowned king of Blundell Park, and who would be locked up in the tower? You can pick anybody who’s had some sort of connection with the club this season.
Paul Hurst and Prince Harry (Clifton) bestride the season for their all round calmness and good-eggness. You’d really want them to be your next door neighbours. Harry’s such a lovely lad, he’d cut your lawn when you’re on holiday. Twice.
You have to work hard to get worked up enough about anyone or anything to lock ‘em up in the Dock Tower. We’ve had our fair share of the ineffective (Mikey O’Neill), anonymous (Owen Gallacher) and underperforming (Bryn Morris), but just being rubbish a little bit too often isn’t a hanging offence. Even the rubbish ones tried hard enough - The Short One just doesn’t sign shirkers or disrupters.
And anyway there’s no room left in the Tower, as we threw away the key for the doors to Holloway’s and Fenty’s cells in the Mike Lyons and Brian Laws custody suites (East and West wings).
Best moment of 2022-23?
Ah, that’s easy. Sutton at home, 0-0. When it ended.
Yeah, yeah, Southampton and Brighton and all that, but those were grand days out. The single transcendental moment was Harry Clifton’s equaliser, straight from the kick-off, at Luton.
The secret of great comedy is timing. We were down, we were out, we knew our place. We’d had our fun. We were barely looking when One Of Our Own sniggled in to sneak a cheeky goal.
The man, the moment.
Worst moment of 2022-23?
Four minutes in Hartlepool. I’d rather boil an egg, which is what I think our defence was doing at the time.
Funniest moment of 2022-23?
The whole of the Southampton game.
Multiple home goals disallowed by VAR, multiple VAR assisted penalties, Danilo Orsi and the sniper on the grassy knoll, the abject awfulness of the multi-millionaire misfits, and finally, in colour, Anthony Glennon’s fishface.
Southampton were terrible, completely without any heart or motivation. An absolute disgrace. And we loved it. We’re still laughing now as your great-great-great-great-grandclones read this in the year 2525.
Four Four Two said you’d finish 18th. When Saturday Comes said you’d finish 16th. You finished 11th. Discuss.
You win some, you lose some, you draw the rest.
Given that seven points separated 9th and 18th everyone was just about right in their own way. We were somewhere in the middle, like half the division. It was a bit arbitrary who in the blob of indistinction finished where.
We didn’t score enough but didn’t concede many either. We were simply as negatively competent as anyone. We finished where we should have and where we expected to - invisibly present, somewhere.
County 1 Grimsby 3 in October. Grimsby 1 County 0 in January. Thoughts?
Are you frowning all the time? Despite this Mariners hoodoo I’ll tell you to enjoy life. I wish I could, but it's too late. This season anyway.
Are you paranoid about playing us?
Best and worst away days of 2022-23?
'Tis ever common that the men and women of Grimsby are merriest when they are from home.
Brighton was a brilliant jolly day out that was nothing to do with football. We expected to get hammered, were hammered, but we just had a party by ourselves. Oh, and the Brighton fans were a very pleasant bunch with no Billy Big Team side and snide. What a splendid occasion. But it wasn’t football, it was a social event.
Donny. The best has to be Donny. We took 2,959 for a mundane mid-table end of season shufflethon of no consequence, relevance or interest to anyone, including, possibly especially, the players. Nothing happened on the pitch, apart from dismal Donny scabbing a goal.
And then Town scored two goals in the last five minutes. I even forgave Donny the stupidity of confiscating my brolly on the basis that “someone could steal it and throw it on the pitch”.
The worst? Losing to Keith Curle’s collapsible clown car was infuriating as Town had been strolling through the afternoon, but fell asleep for five minutes and presented hopeless Hartlepool with some false hope. How cruel of us (and we repeated the trick at home too). But I did pass a particularly cheap petrol station in the wilds of the A19, so swings and roundabouts.
Which brings us to the magic roundabout. Swindon (an act of charity) 5, Grimsby (lucky to get) 0. Town were barely cardboard cut-outs even in the pre-match warm-up.
After decades travelling around the world, Sir David Attenborough’s most recent BBC documentary covered Great Britain. Let’s imagine David and his crew have been filming Grimsby fans throughout the 2022-23 season. In that famous voice of his, how would he describe them?
“In all my years of exploration, these are the creatures I find most curious, for there, huddled together underneath the floodlights, we find several species of small furious animals grooving with an inflatable fish. On a cold Tuesday night in Barrow it is truly one of the wonders of the natural world.”
With Wrexham up and MK Dons down, there’s a couple of teams coming into League Two who generally cause quite a lot of debate wherever they go. You’re on Moonpig.com buying a welcome card for both of them. What messages are going inside?
I realise my mushroom bhaji must have been spiked and immediately shut down the computer, cleanse the browser, and defragment all discs, ever, even on your computer. And yer mum’s. If you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say it.
Actually, defragment all discs by Rush too while you’re at it.
Click on the links below to read the previous 2022-23 reviews we’ve published so far.
Mansfield / Newport / Sutton / Tranmere
Get Kate to take your dog for a walk while you’re at Wembley (or doing something boring that isn’t Wembley if Saturday goes wrong)
Look at that poor dog. Look how sad it is. You’ve trotted off to Wembley for the day (or you’re doing something boring that isn’t Wembley-related if Saturday goes wrong) while your dog’s home alone with nothing to do.
You know what you should have done, don’t you? You should have given Kate’s K-9’s Tails & Trails a call.
Kate offers dog walking services across Bredbury, Disley, Gee Cross, High Lane, Marple and Woodley. It’s £12 for an hour’s walk, or £17 for two dogs from the same household.
Obviously, Kate’s services are not just for dog owners who have abandoned their animals to watch a League Two play-off final in London. She’s available throughout the week, so if you’re busy with work, or friends and family, or any other engagements, give Kate a call and she’ll take your dog out for a walk and some fresh air.
Click here for contact details.
Today in SK
❓ As well as a cash prize, you could also win a gallon of beer, six Jameson glasses or even a packet of pork scratchings at The Dog and Partridge (SK2) tonight. Their quiz starts at 8pm.
👨🎤 Rewind Back to the 80s. A very special 80s night at Bask (SK1) with DJs playing all the classics from Duran Duran, Simple Minds, Banararama, Blondie and many more! 7pm. Tickets are free.
☕️ How do you fancy a nice iced cappuccino today? Head down to Coffee Block (SK1) for their CUBO espresso over ice, filled with shaken milk and topped with chocolate! Open till 5.30pm.
🍹 The Armoury (SK3) have just launched their new cocktail menu. Mark Stott definitely wouldn’t mind a Red Wine Cobbler, and Lee Todd’s going to be getting stuck into a Lounge Lizard or two. There’s eight cocktails to try in total; head down today to see which one tickles your tastebuds!
🍰 Based at Bugsworth Basin on the Peak Forest Canal, Cafe Kirianna (SK23) has now reopened for the summer season. If you find yourself having a stroll in that neck of the woods today, be sure to stop by for a cake and a coffee. Open 10am till 4pm.
🎶 There’s free jukebox at the Nelson Tavern (SK1) from 6.30pm.
The Scarf My Father Wore works closely with venues to bring you the most comprehensive guide to all of the offers and events taking place across the whole SK region. Click on the links below for further details.
SK1 / SK2 / SK3 / SK4 / SK5 / SK6 / SK7 / SK8 / SK9 / SK10 / SK11 / SK12 / SK13 / SK14 / SK15 / SK16 / SK17 / SK22 / SK23
Bits and bobs
📼 Under the heading of “Video nasty” the latest edition of When Saturday Comes features an article about the first ever episode of Granada Goals Extra in 1991, which, trying to show highlights of that afternoon’s matches by 5.15pm with early 90s technology, was a bit of a car crash live on air. Here’s a little snippet: “What resulted was a mess. The main match, between Liverpool and Oldham, developed an audio fault with the crowd noise that made Clive Tyldesley sound as if he was commentating over a nuclear explosion. Footage arrived late of a Manchester City win at Coventry. Bob Greaves had to improvise a live voiceover. There was a communication breakdown with the production team; Greaves announced that Coventry’s Micky Gynn had sidefooted in the game’s only goal, as pictures showed Niall Quinn scoring for Manchester City with a header. Then items started falling off the air. Rob McCaffrey, voicing a Stockport victory over Swansea, was left hanging in mid-sentence as an unfinished edit cut to a blank screen.”
📹 If you’ve got a spare 11 minutes today, give this YouTube video a watch. As part of his final project at college before he goes to university, Sam Fielden has produced this short documentary looking at County fans and the journey back to the Football League.
Photo of the day
Etihad Stadium, Manchester
I think Manchester City are the only club in the world who could beat Real Madrid 4-0 to reach the Champions League final, but still embarrass themselves by looking like a load of gravy-stained herberts. Come on Inter.
Never mind Google or Yell.com, we’ve got you covered
STOP! That got your attention, didn’t it? Just a quick one… I’d hazard a guess that at some point in May, all of our readers will use Google or Yell.com at some point looking for a particular product or service. But before you do, please have a quick look at our own directory to see if we have what you’re looking for. A number of great businesses support The Scarf My Father Wore, allowing us to publish fresh content every day, so let’s send a few enquiries their way in return.
Click here to have a look at all the businesses in our directory.