The Streets of Stockport - Day 1
A sunny stroll through the heart of Stockport, before getting drenched in High Lane
Sunday 22 October 2023
NEXT HOME GAME: Tranmere – Saturday 28 October, 3pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Crewe – Tuesday 24 October, 7.45pm
It’s Sunday. A day when newspapers and magazines tend to share long read features with their readers. I’m excited to be doing the same this morning, as I share the first instalment of ‘The Streets of Stockport’ – a new series chronicling my walk along every single street in the town, whilst raising money for Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Today’s edition is sponsored by The Ironing Service. A big thank you to Gilly, who you can contact on 07726 555612 if you’ve got any ironing you’d quite like a hand with.
Total distance so far: 19.38 miles
Total steps so far: 30,966
Total raised so far: £628
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
And so it begins. My quest to walk down every street in Stockport. Except I’m actually starting in Manchester. McDonald’s to be precise, which is listed as ‘McDonald’s Heaton Chapel’ on a lot of websites, even though it falls just the other side of the boundary with an M19 postcode. For someone planning to walk down every street in SK1, SK2, SK3, SK4, SK5, SK6, SK7 and SK8, you might think I’m a bit of an idiot adding further distance to the journey, but I’m really not going too far out of my way. Standing at the front door of McDonald’s, I reckon I could probably hit the ‘Stockport’ sign (‘Home of Blossoms’) on the A6 with a well-pitched hash brown.
Not that I waste my hash brown attempting to try that, mind you. It’s my first sustenance of the day (along with a couple of ketchups and a bottle of Tropicana) ahead of the long walk to Disley – which, like this McDonalds’s that’s really in Levenshulme, is another place I don’t actually need to visit adhering to the rules of my challenge, as it’s not in Stockport, but it’ll be a convenient place to catch a train home later.
The reason I’ve started in McDonald’s is for a trip down memory lane. Back in the summer of 2001, this was my very first place of employment as a 16-year-old during my transition from Stockport Grammar School to Marple Ridge College. My teachers advised me to stay at SGS for sixth form, as they believed I had a good chance of going to a decent university, but I decided to pursue my dream of becoming a professional footballer by enrolling on a course called ‘Football For Life’ at Marple Ridge instead. I think the decision paid off. How many people can say they’ve got a Stockport and District Sunday League Fourth Division runners-up medal?
First and foremost, raising money for Stockport-based mental health charity Mentell is my primary reason for taking on this walk (click here to read why), but along the way I’m looking forward to taking lots of photos and writing a series of features for The Scarf My Father Wore as well, with my 40th birthday drawing ever closer – four decades on from my arrival into this world on a Saturday night at Stepping Hill. (A few hours after Stockport County had won 4-3 at the Racecourse Ground in the Fourth Division. Fuck you Wrexham!)
However, less than an hour into my walk, I fear I won’t even see my 40th birthday when I almost go flying down some steps that would be perfect if they ever decide to film a remake of Home Alone in Stockport. You know that scene where Marv is trying to find a way into Kevin McCallister’s house, and goes tumbling down the water-covered-steps at the back door? Well, I almost suffer exactly the same fate, fortunately grabbing onto the railings just in time.
I’m not a burglar, by the way. I should probably point that out at this juncture. But I have had thousands of flyers printed, containing details of the charity walk, which I’ll be delivering to the vast majority of homes and businesses along the way. I’m confident this approach will help me reach my target of £10,000 for Mentell. So if you live somewhere in the borough of Stockport, when my flyer comes through your door, please make a donation on my JustGiving page. And call an ambulance (or Harry*) if you find me at the bottom of your steps with two broken legs.
Thankfully, there’s no more near-misses as I carry on down the A6 towards Stockport. It’s turning into a beautiful day as well. Storm Babet is making headlines in the news, and I am indeed wearing a coat at the start of the walk, but it’s off and into my bag by the time I make my descent into the town centre. When I arrive, I’m greeted by a billboard advertising ‘Food, Poo And You’. And just a few steps further up the hill, with impeccable comedy timing, someone’s written ‘I Shit Myself’ on a lamppost. I mean, that’s probably just a coincidence, with the author likely to be a teenage scally, but I do like to imagine a comic genius leaving mischievous graffiti across the town – who’s probably called Wanksy if he’s from Stockport.
Cobdens is next. Or, Cobden House, to give the building its new name. In 2023, it’s a selection of ‘one and two bedroom apartments for sale, perfect for home owners or investors’. Back in my day – 2008 being the peak – this place was all about late-night drinks and 80s tunes (and a little bit of snogging on the dance floor if I’m being honest), perfect for County fans arriving back at Stockport station from away days in places like Accrington and Hereford. I even had status as a Z-list celebrity at Cobdens, with DJs Pete Best and Matthew Rudd always giving a loud “Des is in” on the mic every time I entered the establishment. That probably helped with the snogging opportunities…
It was only 15 years ago, but I’m so nostalgic for that era. I was 23, and had just started a new job selling Google advertising from a swanky Manchester city centre office. With no major responsibilities, and a weekly wage of around £500, I was a ‘weekend millionaire’. All my mates were. On a Saturday morning when County were playing away, there would always be at least a dozen of us stood at the train station at the crack of dawn, sporting new outfits and new haircuts, with cash on the hip as we headed for the bright lights of London or Lincoln.
What makes that era even sweeter to reminisce about, is the fact County were performing well on the pitch. Former player Jim Gannon had returned to the club in December 2005 as caretaker manager, just after an embarrassing 6-0 defeat at Macclesfield Town on Boxing Day had signalled the end for Chris Turner, which left County stranded at the bottom of League Two staring relegation to the Conference in the face.
Jim’s impact was instant. Before his arrival, County had lost five consecutive league games, but the Irishman was unbeaten in his first six games in charge. The Hatters had been completely written off at Christmas, but on the final day of the season in May, a crowd of 10,006 packed into Edgeley Park to see County draw 0-0 with champions Carlisle United to complete a miraculous escape.
Two years after that (which would be around the time I was regularly snogging to a Saturday night soundtrack of Duran Duran and Bananarama) Gannon led County to promotion, with victory over Rochdale in the League Two play-off final at Wembley. That was on a Monday afternoon, but Cobdens was still bouncing that night, once 18,000 Hatters had returned from the capital. As I walk further up the hill, to the town hall steps, I can still picture a beaming Gannon stood in this very spot the day after that Wembley win, with thousands of County fans bringing the A6 to a standstill.
We interrupt this nostalgic trip down memory lane to bring you some breaking news: your editor needs a poo. If this was 2008, I’d have said a crap or a shit, so I’m definitely becoming more mature with age. The problem with getting older, however, is that when you feel a poo coming on, you suddenly need to go very fucking quickly. Fortunately, I can see the Travellers Call up ahead, which turns out to be the perfect location to do my business, with a clean unoccupied toilet. I pay for an orange juice while I’m there (the pub itself, not the toilet). Back in the day, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about nipping into someone’s pub for a dump, but now I’m a grown-up (well, near enough) I feel I should at least put a couple of quid into their coffers.
My friends in my WhatsApp group don’t think I’ll reach Disley until tomorrow morning. But I’m making good progress. I make it to High Lane in no time at all. And whereas Stockport town centre greeted me with billboards of poo and lampposts of shit, the stretch of the A6 between Hazel Grove and High Lane welcomes me with a pleasant picture of horses and cows. Obviously, I could have encountered a few cows earlier in the day, but the Bamboo wasn’t open.
Now, if you’re offended by that previous comment, lighten up, it’s just a joke. But if you’re still offended, you’ll enjoy this next bit, as I get drenched by Storm Babet. I’ve been walking past various shops and pubs for hours, but the storm decides to hit me just as I’m navigating a more isolated section of the A6. The coat comes back on, but I still resemble a drowned rat by the time I’m able to seek sanctuary at the Royal Oak.
As I enter the pub, “Have You Ever Seen The Rain?” is playing through the speakers. I’m genuinely not making that up. “Course I have, I’ve just bloody walked through it,” says a bloke ordering a pint at the bar. He then proceeds to have a rather detailed conversation with the barmaid about cucumbers and radishes. I’m genuinely not making that up, either.
I dry off. The rain stops. I leave the Royal Oak. I get drenched for a second time. That succinctly describes the next part of the journey. My second shelter in quick succession isn’t a pub but a bus stop, and a rather quaint one at that, opposite High Lane Library. I could actually do with a book to read, as I’m sat here for nearly an hour, watching the rain relentlessly lashing down onto the tarmac.
Eventually, the weather eases up, and I’m able to complete the final part of this inaugural walk. It’s the toughest section of the day. I’m cold, I’m wet, it’s dark, my legs are starting to seize up, and I’m immensely jealous of the couple sitting down on their sofa with sausage, mash and beans in front of Roger Johnson on North West Tonight as I walk up their path to pop a slightly soggy leaflet through their letterbox. I’m spurred on, however, by a number of donations hitting my JustGiving page after I’d posted on Facebook from the bus stop, and Disley train station soon comes into view, marking the end of this first day.
“Thank fuck for that,” is the message I type into my WhatsApp groups. Although to be honest, I’m actually feeling rather chuffed. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my schlep along the A6, I’m surprised how easily I’ve managed the 19-mile walk on day one, and I’ve broken the £500 barrier for Mentell (rising to £628 by the time I send this article out). I then realise I’ve only done half of my A6 route and I’ve got to do exactly the same journey in reverse over the next few days. Bollocks. At least I know where to go if I need a poo.
*a very niche Home Alone reference
Get some help with the ironing
Those who have shared hotel rooms with me on previous County trips will know I’ve often ‘ironed’ my Saturday night outfit by hanging it up on the bathroom door and sticking on a boiling hot shower for a while. Probably not the best way of doing things, for your clothes or the environment.
As the above photo indicates, I have started to get the ironing board out as I’ve matured over the years. But it’s still one of the most boring chores known to man, isn’t it?
If you find the ironing a bit tedious, or if you’ve got a huge pile of clothes building up that you’re struggling to get through, you should definitely phone Gilly from The Ironing Service.
Established for over 20 years, the business offers a reliable ironing service, with a 24-hour turnaround, including collection and delivery to your home or place of work.
You can reach Gilly on 07726 555612 for further details.
Today in SK
🍽 Food and drink
Enjoy a delicious Sunday lunch at the Andrew Arms (SK6) with a three course meal priced at just £19.95. Call 0161 484 5392 to book a table.
Simply Sunday at TRUNK (SK7). Sunday brunch including face painting and colouring competitions. Call 0161 222 9260 to book a table, and mention “The Scarf My Father Wore” to receive a 15% discount off the normal tapas menu.
🎶 Free jukebox
The Nelson Tavern (SK1). 3pm - 6pm.
🥁 Live music
Dem Boyz at Bask (SK1). The best party band to come out of the Caribbean in years are bringing the party to Bask tonight, so bring your dancing shoes! 7.15pm. Tickets £17.50.
Photo of the day
Cobdens, Wellington Road South
A bunch of happy Hatters celebrating with the League Two play-off final trophy in May 2008.
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