Three points and three courses
Des Junior goes corporate for Tranmere at home
Wednesday 8 February 2023
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and anyone else joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Wednesday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
When County are at home, my usual routine consists of a few pre-match drinks in The Armoury with the Stockport Sippers Society, before taking my seat in the Cheadle End. But now and again, I do thoroughly enjoy a corporate day at Edgeley Park. It’s been three years since I last did one, so I was extremely excited on Saturday, and I thought it would make a nice little article as well. When you book a corporate day, the club email you an itinerary, which I thought I’d copy and paste below, and use that as my guide to take you on a journey through my afternoon with the prawn sandwich brigade in SK3.
Today’s edition of The Scarf My Father Wore is sponsored by BGM Decorators. A big thank you to Ben. If you’re thinking of having any decorating work done over the coming weeks or months, please see below for further details.
Des Junior
12.00pm: Doors open. Entry to the 1883 is via the glass doors in the Cheadle End. You will be greeted on entry by a member of the commercial team.
Hmm. I might be starting to regret choosing to write the article this way. How am I supposed to capture your attention by talking about some doors being opened? Truth be told, the doors are already open as I arrive at Edgeley Park, so I’m not even sure how they’re opened. Does Mark Stott turn up each day with a golden key? Is Vernon Bear forced to open everything up each morning before he’s allowed his bowl of porridge? Or does Paddy Madden turn up with a giant bunch of keys like a school caretaker, announcing: “Stand back everyone, there’s only one man for the job when it comes to unlocking things around here.” For the time being, we’ll never know.
Something rather funny does happen as I’m queuing up, though. Stockport’s second best singer Andy Powell (after Molly from The Chestergate, obviously) is at the front of the line, showing his booking to the lady welcoming everyone, and I’m slightly further back. Just behind me are a couple of chaps who manage to gain entry simply by saying: “It’s alright, we’re with Andy. I recognise the back of his head.” To be fair, they are indeed on Andy’s table, but if you fancy a free meal in the Cheadle End one day, that could be a decent little life hack. I’m tempted to do the same next time I’m at Chinawhite in London. “Step aside my good bouncer, I’d recognise the back of Phillip Schofield’s head a mile off.”
12.30pm: Introduction to Stockport County FC followed by light entertainment and a chance to win prizes.
I don’t think anyone knows exactly how Google’s complicated algorithms work, but simply by typing the word ‘prizes’, somebody somewhere might have found this article because they love applying for game shows or taking part in quizzes. If you’re that person, and you’re thinking of booking a corporate day at Edgeley Park for the prizes… don’t. You ain’t gonna walk away with a car or a holiday. On offer is “all the crap we couldn’t give away in the club shop” - not my words, but those of Steve Bellis, the actual president of this football club. On Bullseye, you won a speedboat. On Deal Or No Deal, you could pocket £250,000. After a corporate day at County, you have to explain to your partner why you’re returning home with an old VHS. Or a pencil case. Or a ‘Baby On Board’ sticker. It’s a lot of fun, though. I suspect even Jack Dee would be forced to crack a smile playing a few games of Heads Or Tails with Bellis.
It does tickle me how only 30 minutes are allocated to our introduction to Stockport County FC. I think I could have spent four years in captivity with Terry Waite and still failed to describe to him what this weird and wonderful football club is all about. Dissecting Ryan McKnight’s bullshit would take at least a year or two.
1.00pm: Your starter and main will be served.
Our starter is a cranberry and Wensleydale tart, with apple chutney and baby leaf salad. Looking back at my notes, my dining companions are not quite on par with Jay Rayner or Grace Dent, it’s fair to say. Verdicts such as “it’s not a steak bake” or “it’s just a posh quiche, innit” are unlikely to impress the Guild of Food Writers. As for my view, it’s not the cheesiest of tarts (and I do like a cheesy… no, don’t finish that one Des), but tasty all the same.
“I could eat another one of them.” That’s the unanimous verdict on Table 6 as plates of braised beef, wilted spinach, roasted carrot, dauphinoise potatoes and port jus disappear faster than Darije Kalezić from the Edgeley Park hot seat. Actually, in all honesty, a few of our group haven’t polished off their wilted spinach. I’m quite happy about that, however, as it leads to the following interaction, which tickles me for a good few minutes after.
“Why haven’t you eaten your spinach?”
“It’s bloody wilted.”
2.15pm: Introduction to a member of the Stockport County football management team.
After the crockery and wilted spinach are cleared away from our table, our esteemed manager Dave Challinor enters the room, for a pre-match chat with Bellis.
2.25pm: Interviews with our special matchday guests.
Lee Todd is today’s special matchday guest. He’s special, alright. I’m going to use this SPECIAL in capital letters in recognition of his 301 appearances and two promotions during his time at the club. And I’m going to use this special in italics for the fact he hasn’t turned up. With Toddy in The Royal Oak or The Prince Albert or The Bobby Peel or The Jolly Crofter or The Armoury, I decide to do a lap of the room with my camera and take some photos of the other matchday guests in attendance today. I’ll let you decide for yourself whether this lot are SPECIAL or special…
2.45pm: Please make your way to the Corporate Executive seating.
Off to the Main Stand we go, guided in the right direction, I like to think, by this Jim Gannon header on the wall.
3.00pm: Kick-off.
An entertaining first half. One that looks as if it’s going to end in frustrating fashion with the Tranmere penalty/offside debacle, but in the last minute Kyle Wootton puts us back in front…
3.45pm: Please make your way back to your designated lounge for your half-time dessert.
…and I’ll tell you what, your key lime pie during the break tastes even sweeter after County have scored right on half-time.
4.00pm: Second half.
It’s turning into a cracking day, this. There’s more comedy gold from our Merseyside muckers as they gift us a third. Alright, things get a little hairy at the end as they pull a goal back, and it requires a stunning save from Hinchliffe to stop them nicking a point, but the final whistle blows and we’re in the play-offs.
4.45pm: Please make your way back to the 1883 where we will present the Man of the Match and sponsor presentation.
This is where County get things spot on. There’s a real feeling of togetherness as everyone reconvenes in the Cheadle End to celebrate a big three points. Whether it’s sponsors or competition winners getting a bottle of bubbly, or little kids running round the room getting autographs and photos with their heroes, everyone gets their own little slice of County.
5.45pm: Doors close.
To mirror the start of this article, I’m no closer to finding out who locks up either. But as long as the doors to this special old place are always open, that’ll do for me.
Des Junior spent the day with Dave Marchbank-Smith, Josh Marchbank-Smith, Joel Kennedy, Andy Hague, Vinny Wright, Steve Winfield, Steve Catanach, Paul Day and Matty Carroll. Without a shadow of a doubt, a fine group of special gentlemen.
Today’s sponsor: BGM Decorators
Don’t be like this random stranger Des Junior found on the internet. He thought he could decorate his living room himself. But now look at him, sat forlorn on his floor covered in a tin of Dulux. His wife’s left him, and his evenings are now occupied by microwave meals and old repeats of The Sweeney. You know what he should have done, don’t you? He should have called BGM Decorators.
BGM Decorators is a family business that has been in the trade since 1988. They’ve been built on hard work, honesty, and a high quality service that has consistently enhanced their reputation. They provide a painting and decorating service on a domestic and commercial basis across Stockport, Greater Manchester and Cheshire, as well as offering tenant turnover services and working alongside estate agencies and private landlords.
Click here for contact details.
Here’s something you should definitely do in February
Buy tickets for The County Comedy Quiz at Bask!
The Scarf My Father Wore editor, Des Junior, absolutely loves a County quiz. He’s alright at compiling County quizzes as well. Rightly or wrongly, he also fancies himself as a bit of a comedian. On that note, The Scarf My Father Wore are delighted to team up with Bask to bring you The Comedy County Quiz. It’s a proper County quiz, with some fantastic prizes on offer, but our aim is to crack you up with some of the questions along the way.
We’ve also got special guest Paul Jones joining us. The former County defender, and Bolton Wanderers legend, will be speaking on the night, as well as handing out the prizes to the winners!
Click here for our full list of things you should definitely do in February!
Never mind Google or Yell.com, we’ve got you covered
STOP! That got your attention, didn’t it? Just a quick one… I’d hazard a guess that at some point in February, all of our readers will use Google or Yell.com at some point looking for a particular product or service. But before you do, please have a quick look at our own directory to see if we have what you’re looking for. A number of great businesses support The Scarf My Father Wore, allowing us to publish fresh content every day, so let’s send a few enquiries their way in return.
Click here to have a look at all the businesses in our directory.
Nice to see you got a snap our table 18 with me at the loo!Great day out!Norm.