A tool throwing dog biscuits in a pub, vomiting on the platform, and stewards on a power trip… it’s Morecambe away!
Plus! John K Bilsbury with Saturday’s match report, along with the matchday announcer at the Mazuma Mobile Stadium
Monday 11 December 2023
NEXT HOME GAME: Aldershot – Wednesday 13 December, 7.45pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Barrow – Tuesday 26 December, 3pm
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and any Morecambe supporters joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Monday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
Today’s edition is a bit of a bumper one, with two feature articles and some other bits and bobs, which is what I’m trying to do on a regular basis with the website. Through the support of advertisers, I’m currently able to work on The Scarf My Father Wore on a part-time basis. With the backing of County fans coming on board as paid subscribers, I can develop the website further and bring you even more articles, photos and interviews. An absolutely massive thank you to John Snellgrove, Keith Mills, Nick Babrovskie, Peter Snape, Kelvin Briggs, Andy Baldwin and Steve Jones who all signed up as paid subscribers over the weekend. If you’d like to join the gang as well, it’s £5 a month, or £45 for the whole year.
Right, on to business. Damon Carroll, Gareth Eccleston and yours truly have just about dried off from Saturday afternoon to put pen to paper on three tales from the seaside. We’ve also got John K Bilsbury with another of his excellent match reports, and a big thank you to Mark Swindlehurst for joining us as well, whose voice you will have heard on Saturday as the stadium announcer at the Mazuma Mobile.
Today’s edition is sponsored by Victor Publishing. My thanks to Merv for coming on board, and he’s even got a little Christmas treat for us! If you use the code “scarf” at checkout you can enjoy 15% off any order. On the website you’ll find Stewart Taylor’s story of County’s return to the Football League, Phil Brennan’s book on the players to make 100 appearances for County, and Chris Davies’ tales of taking Cheadle Town to football stadiums across the world. There’s some excellent Christmas gift ideas on the website, and even better with your 15% off!
Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Total distance so far: 46.68 miles
Total steps so far: 83,302
Total raised so far: £1,027
Total completed streets so far: 24 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
🎶 “We go to all the away matches, by bus, by train, by car….. And we get so pissed before the game, we don’t know where we are!” 🎶
A lyric from a classic County song gave Des Junior a little bit of inspiration for this regular feature – why have one away day review when you can have three! So when County are playing away from home (well, unless it’s like Plymouth on a Tuesday night), The Scarf My Father Wore will be sending three intrepid reporters out into the unknown to share their tales from motorways and train stations across the country.
Des Junior himself participates in this one, after getting the train from Chester, with Gareth Eccleston driving to Morecambe after his daughter’s football match, and Damon Carroll enjoying a day out on Crofter Coaches.
⏰ Up
Damon: The alarm went off at 6am, I finally got up at 7.
Des: Woke up at 7am, and uploaded the Morecambe preview. I’d actually set my alarm for 8 anticipating loads of problems with the trains (due to the strikes, not the weather…) but noticed they were running fine on the app so had an extra couple of hours in bed.
Gareth: 6.50am as my daughter Ella had a football match in Stoke at 9.
🍳 Breakfast
Damon: Corn Flakes. (Although I did grab a BLT from Angie’s on Edgeley as well.)
Des: A tomato soup and a bottle of water from Greggs in Lancaster while I had an hour to kill waiting for my Morecambe connection.
Gareth: Nothing, but Ella had a snack bar and a banana.
⬅️ Before
Damon: Went into the Crofter to meet up with a few familiar faces. I was in a nuisance mood. We also met Joe Pesci from Home Alone.
Des: A few bits and bobs for the website.
Gareth: Stood outside in the rain all morning watching Ella play two football matches. One over in Stoke and then one locally. One win, one defeat but she bagged three goals and got a couple of assists.
👕 Clobber
Damon: Jeans, two pairs of socks, a shirt, jumper and coat. The mankini can wait.
Des: Coat, T-shirt and shoes. And a Greggs jumper. I thought it would be funny. It wasn’t.
Gareth: It was a function over fashion approach, knowing I was outside in disgusting weather literally ALL day. The only items worth mentioning are a massive waterproof England coat, hiking boots and thick cotton gloves.
The coat I actually inherited from a mate. He thought the zip had broken so let me keep it, then I fixed it. Winner. It kept me dry after watching three football matches over the day so a solid choice. The only time it’s ever eventually buckled was Accrington away. Around 60 minutes into that game it finally gave way.
The boots still left me with slightly wet socks, but did a better job against the rain compared to trainers. The gloves survived the first half, but were soaked midway into the second half.
🛫 Outbound
Damon: Mental. (I mean, mental by my standards.) The Crofter is like the Transformers coming together to create mayhem.
Des: Train from Chester to Warrington Bank Quay, then another up to Lancaster. Journey was absolutely fine. I had to wait in Lancaster for an hour which was a bit of a pain in the arse, but I had a nice walk round the city centre. Headed back to the train station where I bumped into the High Peak Hatters, who were all full of good spirits. Unfortunately one of them, Cavan Bowden, was a little too full of spirits (namely, Jack Daniels) and vomited all over the steps and the platform.
Gareth: I picked up two mates and drove over. We didn’t hit much traffic to be fair, but having left around 1.15pm it felt a bit of a rush job. We arrived at 2.35 so plenty of time in the end thankfully.
🍺 Pre-match
Damon: Went into a couple of the designated away pubs. Both decent with good banter. In the first one the barmaid wouldn't let me kiss her. Then in the second, some tool was throwing dog biscuits about.
Des: A 15-20 minute walk to the ground in the rain.
Gareth: We arrived close to kick-off, so the main objective was finding somewhere to park. Thankfully there’s loads of residential free parking nearby. We found somewhere without directly parking outside someone’s house too.
Only a five minute walk to the ground, but we still got soaked. The stewards had no urgency to get people into the ground either.
🏙 Destination
Damon: Wet.
Des: What Damon said. (I’m a big advocate for the English seaside but Morecambe is pretty grim. I reserve the right to change my mind if we go there on a sunny evening in August in the League Cup.)
Gareth: Miserable, but with that weather it hardly portrays it in a good light.
🏟 Visitors
Damon: Just glad there was a roof.
Des: I’m actually a big fan of the ground. I utterly despise new stadiums which have four identical Lego stands but at least Morecambe’s is a bit different. You get a proper old school away terrace as well which is nice.
Gareth: It had a roof which was a necessity on the day. Though the rain was still spraying into us near the front.
There was a burger van. It cost me £8 for a cheeseburger and a drink. The food did a job but wasn’t great and I had the lid confiscated off my drink.
There was a bar too with plenty of options, but I didn’t use it as I was driving.
1️⃣ First
Damon: Watched the game, went through a match ritual, acknowledged others I knew.
Des: Stood with John Edgerton and his crew to the left of the stand. We started a “Santa, Santa, give us a wave” chant at a steward with a grey beard. I’m 39.
Gareth: Other than watching the game, I noticed the stewards were on a power trip. Allowing people to leave the terrace down one set of steps, then refusing to let you walk back up them. So you had to walk across the stand, up through another part, then shuffle past the crowd to get back to exactly where you were stood anyway.
Generally an arsey attitude from them overall. But this came from them wanting to (and failing to) clear the ‘yellow boxed areas’ on the steps. That was never going to happen on an open terrace.
🍿 Interval
Damon: Went for a piss.
Des: Took some photos. Had a funny chat with my mate Cozzy reminiscing about some of the away days we went on as teenagers. Including Norwich away on the last day of the 2001-02 season when Cozzy got us kicked out of our bed and breakfast five minutes after we’d checked in after putting his cigarette out on a wall outside that the owner had just painted.
Gareth: I’d nipped to grab food around 30 minutes in to beat the queues. So I just stayed in the stand and chatted to mates at half-time.
2️⃣ Second
Damon: Watched the game and celebrated when Wootton equalised.
Des: Got right behind the goal with some of the Stockport Sippers Society (plus Gareth and Co). Went bananas when Wootton scored. Would have gone even more bananas had Bailey’s curler nestled in the top corner.
Gareth: Shuffled back a little as the front of the stand was getting battered by the rain. I had a great view of Callum Camps’ effort against the bar. We went mental for that equaliser by Wootton and I genuinely thought Bailey’s last second attempt had gone in.
🔵 Us
Damon: We’re crackers; we really are a proper footballing family. We stick together, we fall out, we make up, we’re a fantastic bunch.
Des: I thoroughly enjoyed Saturday, weirdly enough. A cracking County away end full of the hardcore. Huge roar for the equaliser. I’m still gutted we didn’t get the chance to properly explode for Bailey’s winner.
Gareth: Travelled in very good numbers. Made a fair bit of noise at the start and end, but we’ve had much better atmospheres in the past elsewhere. Again, probably soaking wet and cold.
🔴 Them
Damon: Didn't see them to be honest. They only piped up when they took the lead. And Tyson Fury’s a shithouse going to Saudi Arabia. I wanted to one-bomb him.
Des: They’re very vanilla, aren’t they. I can’t really think of anything particularly good or bad to say about them. Decent enough roar for their goal, but didn’t hear many songs from them.
Gareth: I felt sorry for the poor sods stood on that open terrace on the side. The home end looked relatively full to be fair to them. Not much noise other than when they scored.
🍻 Post-match
Damon: Got back on the Crofter and reflected on the game with others.
Des: Walked to a pub where we stripped off and draped our sodden clothes on radiators like flood refugees in a village hall.
Gareth: I was annoyed at having to walk around the whole stadium to exit the car park. They’d boxed us in with metal fencing. Absolutely throwing it down, but they had us walk all around the stadium and end up exactly where we should have exited anyway. Bizarre. A further five minute walk back to the car before heading home.
🛬 Inbound
Damon: Long, wet and cold.
Des: My crew had an absolute nightmare getting back to Stockport. Here’s a few snippets:
“I had to get a taxi from Preston with four random men. I’ve never ever needed a piss in my life as much as I did stuck in traffic for 20 minutes in that taxi.”
“Sat having a nice drink in the pub at Lancaster train station when news started to filter through that train after train to Piccadilly was being cancelled. We could get to Preston so off we ventured, still cold and wet, and now even more dejected with the impending doom and unwelcome expectation of how we were going to get back. Arrived at Preston where utter chaos confronted us. No one seemed to know what was going on and no one was taking charge in a station teeming with cold, wet people desperate to get home. Not surprisingly tempers and emotions were now running very high. A sort of disorderly queue at the exit doors was beginning to form and a station worker was trying to organise people getting into taxis to their destinations. Eventually we were directed outside to an awaiting coach that would transport us to Piccadilly. Finally got to Piccadilly after 11pm to be confronted by the same utter chaos as at Preston, only this time involving hundreds more people. There were plenty of trains at almost every platform but apparently there were no drivers. PANDEMONIUM! This country is well and truly fucked. Finally a driver appeared, and then eventually, so did Stocky station. Eventually got home still damp, hungry and cold to my bone marrow at about 12.30am. And all that for a measly point at Morecambe. A place I can honestly say I have no wish to visit EVER again as long as I live.”
“Waiting in the queue at Preston station, some scruffy unshaven oik grabbed [redacted] and kissed him! [redacted] was unable to contain himself and completely lost it. It took all the strength of [redacted] in front of him and me behind to hold him back as he was intent on twatting him. Another passenger got involved ranting that said oik had thumped him three times. By now the atmosphere was volcanic. Police had arrived and handcuffed the perpetrator. Understandably [redacted], aided by a few others including [redacted], were venting their feelings to the officers, who didn't appreciate the interactions and started shouting orders at everyone to move away.”
Me? Oh, I had a lovely journey home. I very nearly stayed with my mates for an extra hour or so at Lancaster station, but the trains on my route home were already starting to play up a bit, so with one to Preston arriving I said my goodbyes and jumped on that.
Shortly before pulling into Preston, the guard announced over the tannoy that this particular train was now turning into a London Euston train. I had no idea trains could transition, but it’s 2023, and if a Preston train wants to identify as a London Euston train, who am I to argue? It meant I could stay on the train (in the warmth) to Warrington Bank Quay, where the Chester train was waiting for me as I arrived!
Gareth: Big queues on the main road, but not bad once we hit the motorway. Visibility was rubbish obviously, but we got home in one piece.
➡️ After
Damon: Had a quick butty then went to sleep.
Des: Just about kept my eyes open for half an hour to watch Friday’s Have I Got News For You (with a sandwich and crisps as I had zero energy to make anything else) before instantly crashing out.
Gareth: The wife was out working for a few hours, so I had the kids and we watched the Gavin & Stacey Christmas special.
🛏 Bed
Damon: Can’t remember. I fell asleep not long after getting home.
Des: Looking back at my WhatsApp group, I told my mates I was tucked up in bed by 9.39pm. So I’ll have been out for the count about half an hour after that. It was a very long day in the rain.
Gareth: Around 11pm.
💷 Cost
Damon: No more than £70 in total with ticket, drinks, cheeseburger and a coffee.
Des: About £40 for the train. Ticket was actually free, offered by a mate who was ill and didn’t end up travelling. (Although I’m going to donate the £25 to the Co-op’s collection for The Wellspring on Saturday.) A fiver on my soup and a couple of other bits and bobs.
Gareth: Petrol £15. Ticket £20. Cheeseburger and a drink £8. Total £43.
🏅 Rating
Damon: Considering it was raining, 8/10, and that's due to the standard of our play. We controlled that game. We’re missing certain players, the most important one being Louie Barry. I do think we’ll be champions still.
Also, why wasn't I allowed to stroke the guy’s sniffer dog?
Des: Do you know what? I absolutely loved Saturday. Yeah, the rain and the wind was a pain in the arse at the time, but even situations like that still tickle me. I love the adversity of being a County fan sometimes. It’s great seeing the attendances at Edgeley Park go through the roof at the moment, but I still get a slightly bigger buzz at away games with the hardcore, Saturday being a prime example with 1,500 of us battling through the elements to follow our team to a grim Lancashire coastal town in the middle of December. That’s not normal behaviour, and it’s also why, even as a writer, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly convey how special a County away end is, with familiar faces young and old. Hugging my mates in the rain when we equalised late on was class. There’s no better feeling than a last-minute County winner away from home so I might have put 10/10 had Bailey’s curler gone in. Even without that, Saturday was what County’s all about for me, still with laughter aplenty, so I’ll go with a 9.
Gareth: 6/10. Weather obviously dominated and was a leveller for Morecambe. We should have won the game, but could have left empty handed.
So there you have it folks, three tales from Morecambe away, and it’s a victory for… THE TRAIN! (Even though I can hear my mates screaming “f**k off” as I write this!)
There’s no trains on Boxing Day, but if you’re heading up to Barrow by coach or car and you’d like to share your away day with us, please email thescarfmyfatherwore@substack.com.
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Morecambe 1 County 1
✍️ Saturday’s match in one word
Mark: Wet!
John: Windswept!
🤔 Pre-match thoughts
Mark: County are at the top of the league for a good reason. They are on top form and have some great players, ably coached by Dave Challinor who has a clear affinity with the club. Going into the match I would have taken a draw. I did look at the weather forecast and thought that it could be a leveller. I was never in doubt that the match would be off as our groundsman Rob has done an amazing job on our pitch.
John: After the cup games at Aldershot and Wigan, where we rested players, I was looking forward to us playing as near a first choice XI as possible and perhaps extending our lead at the top of League Two.
🧐 Post-match thoughts
Mark: The weather played a massive part in the match. We knew going into the second half that we were up against it, having not scored when we had the wind. It was like the Alamo in the second half and we did a fantastic job in defending against the Hatters’ onslaught, playing counters when we could. It worked, and we nearly nicked it. If you look at the possession and shot stats it tells the story.
Happy that we didn't lose, but a bit gutted for the lads and especially our new manager Ged Brannan that we didn't nick it and get a morale-boosting win. Ged is the newest Football League manager and is a top bloke. I think he will take a lot of confidence from the match.
John: Grateful for a point in the end, although all three shouldn’t have been beyond our grasp.
🔴 Verdict on Morecambe
Mark: I was very proud of our lads. They gave it all and fought for each other. There is a real team spirit and you can tell that they all get on. We have a real gem in Mellon who we have on loan for the season.
John: They set out to frustrate us and get a goal on the break, which is pretty much how it turned out. They took their chance well.
🔵 Verdict on County
Mark: You can see why they are at the top of the league. Quality all over the match and oozing confidence. They didn't get rattled and stuck to their plan. I think automatic promotion is a real possibility and would be some feat. A fantastic journey over the last few years, sometimes overshadowed by Hollywood FC in Wales.
John: It reminded me of how much we’ve missed Louie Barry since his injury; we lacked someone prepared to run at defenders with the ball. We were almost in the realms of Ruskball at times, turning back at the first sign of a defender and playing the ball from side to side hoping for the defence to part like the Red Sea. Given the wind at our back in the second half, I thought mixing up the patient play with a couple of long distance shots might have been worth a try.
🦐 Top Shrimp
Mark: If I had to pick one, it would be Eli King who was magnificent all over the pitch and played a part in our goal.
John: Their number nine Michael Mellon, son of the Oldham manager and on loan from Burrrnley, was a menace and took his goal well.
🎩 Top Hatter
Mark: I was impressed with Odin Bailey who looked lively all match.
John: Difficult to pick any one player out from a display like that. Ethan Pye did his best to move us upfield in the first half but he’s received some criticism for his part in the Morecambe goal. Callum Camps did well when he came on but Paddy Madden buzzed about energetically in his attempts to make something happen, so I’ll give the accolade to him.
👂 Atmosphere
Mark: Fair play to the County fans who were non-stop from beginning to end! I’m near the halfway line and can hear both sets of fans. Our fans made a good effort too and got the drum and trumpet going. The wind took a lot of the noise away, and it is well documented that away fans are always noisy, but a great atmosphere despite the tedious “Morecambe’s a s***hole” chant.
John: The service from the food hatch was slow and when I bought a bottle of Fanta, it was poured into a plastic glass because the staff found it impossible to wrench the top off the bottle. That was the first example of being treated like a year three infant but by no means the last. Some of the stewarding, towards the final whistle in particular, was awkward, intransigent and patronising. To quote Dr. Feelgood’s Lee Brilleaux: “Treat a man like a dog and that’s just what you’ll get.”
🙏 Hopes for the rest of the season
Mark: I still think we have a chance of the play-offs. We have the quality to get there as long as we can keep what we have in January. We have had a sticky run, but the belief is now back, with Ged bringing the squad together and injecting positivity. Great for the club that Ged’s attitude is that he will focus on football and let the directors focus on boardroom stuff. Off the pitch we have ownership issues that the board have come out and made a statement about last week. We need these sorted, but unlike our previous manager, Ged is solely focused on football.
John: We’ve hit a flat spot, mainly due to injuries, but at least that will have focused the club’s eyes on the parts of the squad in need of reinforcement in January. We’re still in pole position, if we can get back to the more attacking style we had during our run of wins, we might yet finish in the top three.
😀 Best part of the day
Mark: Spending a quality evening with my son who is about to go to Australia to meet up with two of my other children for Christmas. We had a few drinks and watched Elf while my wife was at a Christmas party.
John: Apart from the equaliser, getting back to the warmth of the coach after the final whistle.
😡 Worst part of the day
Mark: When Wootton’s goal went in. I was gutted for the lads after such resilient defending. We nearly caused a shock.
John: Seeing Sarce limping off, even before hearing that his injury may be worse than I imagined at the time.
The British Library receives a copy of every single book published in the UK. In the same fashion, Des Junior believes a detailed record of every County game should be preserved for the history books. So here’s the full story of our 1-1 draw at Morecambe on Saturday 9 December 2023, as told from his County-related WhatsApp groups…
4.28pm: Fuck. 1-0 to Morecambe. County forget how to defend.
4.30pm: Aren’t defenders supposed to mark?
4.45pm: 1-1! Wootton. Good cross, shit defence.
4.54pm: Oh my God, how close was that from Bailey?
4.58pm: We are not going to be top of the league for long in our current guise. Grumble.
5.00pm: Credit where it’s due to Morecambe. They properly did a number on us defending strongly and it nearly got them the win.
11.54pm: Sat at home with a hot chocolate and shortbread, grinning at the day’s events. Wish we'd fucking brought all the points home though.
11.55pm: …so not grinning there!
12.19am: Finally on the 192.
Bunch of fives
5️⃣ cocks
1) A pub in Whaley Bridge
2) And a pub in Disley (Dandy)
3) A verb, to tilt something in a particular direction
4) An adult male chicken
5) Stevenage manager Steve Evans
5️⃣ things that got absolutely drenched on Saturday
1) My coat
2) My jumper
3) My T-shirt
4) My trousers
5) My shoes
5️⃣ festive fixtures
1) Sutton home
2) Notts County home
3) Barrow away
4) Bradford away
5) Mansfield home
5️⃣ Only Fools and Horses characters
1) Del Boy
2) Rodney
3) Denzil
4) Marlene
5) Boycie
5️⃣ more things that got absolutely drenched on Saturday
1) My hair
2) My face
3) My match ticket
4) My phone
5) My phone charger
Today in SK
🍔 Food and drink
Lunch deal at The Dog & Partridge (SK2). One course for £7 or two courses for £11. 12pm - 2pm.
Med Monday at TRUNK (SK7) between 12pm and 9pm. Enjoy three tapas dishes for £15. T&Cs apply. Call 0161 222 9260 to book a table, and mention “The Scarf My Father Wore” to receive a 15% discount off the normal tapas menu.
Start your week in style by enjoying some delicious tapas dishes (with a cheeky cocktail or two!) at La Cueva (SK8).
🎤 Live music
Acoustica at Bask (SK1). Free entry.
❓Quiz night
The George & Dragon (SK7). 7.30pm.
The Scarf My Father Wore works closely with venues on a daily basis to bring you the most comprehensive guide to all of the best offers and events taking place across the whole SK region. Click on the links below for full details of everything taking place in your area over the next few weeks.
SK1 / SK2 / SK3 / SK4 / SK5 / SK6 / SK7 / SK8 / SK9 / SK10 / SK11 / SK12 / SK13 / SK14 / SK15 / SK16 / SK17 / SK22 / SK23
DJ Des
One more Morecambe-related track, then we’ll put the weekend seaside trip to bed.
Would you like DJ Des to play a song for your favourite County player, or a friend or family member? Leave a comment or email thescarfmyfatherwore@substack.com with your requests/shoutouts!
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