Doncaster, Wimbledon, Colchester, Crewe, let’s have a catch-up with you… and Grimsby too
With an additional £1m to spend this season from their FA Cup exploits last year, the Mariners could be a decent outside bet for the play-offs
Tuesday 11 July 2023
NEXT HOME GAME: Huddersfield – Saturday 22 July, 3pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Altrincham – Saturday 15 July, 3pm
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and any Grimsby supporters joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Tuesday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
Sky Bet have currently got Grimsby down to finish mid-table this season, which is exactly where they ended the last campaign. Personally, I’m not so sure. With an extra million quid going into this season’s budget, after reaching the FA Cup quarter-finals, I think Grimsby could be a decent shout for the play-offs. I’m not going to get cocky and start taunting the bookies, as we all know the house always wins, but I’d be willing to risk a few quid in this situation, as the so-called experts don’t always get things correct when it comes to League Two. Look at Stevenage for example, heading for Bolton and Barnsley this season, when the bookies predicted they’d be going to Barnet and Bromley.
My tip isn’t just based on Grimsby’s unexpected seven-figure windfall – accumulated by knocking out Plymouth, Cambridge, Burton, Luton and Southampton, before a quarter-final at Brighton live on BBC One – but a general feelgood factor in Cleethorpes at the moment, following the takeover by Jason Stockwood and Andrew Pettit in 2021. The Mariners’ recent story isn’t too dissimilar to ours, with a new chairman who appears to be a very shrewd businessman, committed to making improvements on the pitch whilst also engaging extremely well with the supporters and the local community off it.
Grimsby also came up from the National League with us, in a denouement even more exciting and memorable than ours. Please don’t think I’m being ungrateful when I say that. Halifax was an unbelievably special day which I’ll never forget (in hindsight I’m so glad we lost at Wrexham so we could secure our Football League return in front of 10,000 Hatters rather than 1,000) but as a football fan I don’t think you’d be human if you weren’t even a tiny bit envious of what Grimsby fans experienced over the course of an incredible play-off fortnight in 2022 – a 119th minute winner in the quarter-final at Notts County, a 119th minute winner at Wrexham in the semi-final, and an 111th minute winner against Solihull in the final. Now that’s what I call a Hollywood ending…
I always love catching up with the brilliant Tony Butcher from Cod Almighty and before contributing the following preview for us he told me: “We could be the darkest of dark horses in a very worryingly strong league.” That’s pretty much my thinking with what I’ve written above. I do think Grimsby could be a good bet for the play-offs, but admittedly, that is an outside bet, as I think five or six places in the top seven are already done and dusted before a ball has even been kicked. I’m struggling on the specific order of those five or six, but money does talk, and there’s a few teams I just cannot see finishing outside of the top seven with their chequebooks. Grimsby’s new owners seem to have a slightly tighter hold on the purse strings compared to their League Two counterparts (which there’s nothing wrong with, by the way) but the extra few quid from that FA Cup run could buy them a seat at the play-off table next May.
Finally, a big thank you to Jen from Hug & Co for sponsoring today’s edition. You’ll recognise Jen’s bags immediately, which we’ve featured below, along with a link to purchase one if you haven’t yet done so.
Enjoy today’s issue.
Des Junior
Our place: Saturday 21 October 2023, 3pm
Their place: Saturday 10 February 2024, 3pm
Last win at our place: Saturday 18 December 2021, FA Trophy third round, 4-0
Last win at their place: Tuesday 14 August 2012, Conference, 2-1
Today’s Sky Bet title/promotion/relegation odds: Us – 6/1 11/8 50/1 Them – 33/1 13/2 11/1
Are you glad County lost the play-off final, or would you rather be playing Carlisle this season?
If we indulged in some banterballing we’d say we were delighted to retain those six points from our bunnies, the Mad Hatters of Not Manchester. Banter, such tedious tosh, just pride before a fall, a hostage to misfortune and a humiliating home slapping.
Yes, we were happy you hung around. Nothing personal you understand, it’s just that you’re nearer, you bring more to us, we take more to you, and we have so much more fun together. C’mon, c’mon, let’s stick together.
In terms of your summer transfer business, where have Grimsby been shopping?
We used to sway between gleaning in the bins for sell-by-date rejects and fields for oddly-shaped vegetables, or a trip to the big shops in Meadowhall when we found a few quid down the back of the sofa. But we aren’t like that anymore. We are different, new, exciting, professional and sensible. We have plans.
We want the good life, to be self-sustaining virtuosos who grow our own like football’s Tom and Barbara. But that’s the future, the present is focused on value. We have a computer! It’s plugged in and even connected to the internet. We’ve hired a personal shopper and given him some of the gift tokens we won last year and a long list of toys for young Paul to play with.
With the current energy crisis, the government have ordered all Football League clubs to switch off one thing that uses power for the whole season. What are you choosing?
Harry Clifton is a human dynamo, our perpetual motion machine, so we certainly can’t afford to switch him off. I’ll have to go with our PA system. We make our own entertainment, we don’t need to be musically martialled and no one can hear it anyway. So there’s your marginal gain to save the planet. Silence is golden, but our eyes will still see.
Which team do you most want to beat this season?
The same one as everyone else. (And we usually do.)
Plus the one that shouldn’t exist. And any team with Harry Pell in it. Or from Yorkshire. Or play in red. Or yellow. Or in stripes. Or on top of a hill. Or at the bottom of a hill. Or nowhere near a hill.
Everyone.
County haven't played MK Dons since 2009-10, so we're a little out of the loop. What's your current thoughts when it comes to MK Dons away – boycott the game, happy to attend, or reluctantly go without spending any other money on food, drink, programmes etc.
There are only 23 football clubs in our division. Never forgive, never forget.
What’s right is right, what’s wrong is wrong. On Tuesday 28 November 2023 I shall be washing my hair.
Do not feed the beast.
The Conservative party are in disarray at the moment. They've contacted your club and asked your chairman and manager to join them, to bring some new ideas to the table. Which roles would they be most suited to?
Chairman Wow, our committed communitarian socialist leader, would politely, but very firmly, decline to assist in the dying of the rancid right. The man has values and principles.
Happy Hursty has no time for reckless, feckless timewasters who do not commit to the collective cause. He values honesty too much.
There's a huge game at Blundell Park this season. You're 1-0 up with 15 minutes to go when Just Stop Oil protestors invade the pitch and get the game abandoned. How are Grimsby fans reacting?
Like everyone else would: with peace, love and understanding of course.
We’d also be mystified why they’d bothered with us given we’re moving greenwards after renewing our vows with sanity.
Newport County, Notts County, Stockport County. Snog one, marry one, avoid one.
Newport can bugger off. Far too far away, miserable ground, miserable memories, they just get in the way of life.
Why is everyone fluttering over the mundane Magpies? Without Pippi Langstaffing they are what they were when we were there, just empty shirts who don’t like being stared at. To be used and abused.
Ah yes, you lot. If you didn’t have Boo Challinor Boo as manager we’d be more open in our admiration. We like having you around, it’s always party time when we get together.
Ryan Reynolds gets in touch and says he wants you to take him on a Hollywood-style night out when Wrexham visit. He wants the nicest meal in town, followed by the swankiest bar, and then the best hotel. What are your recommendations?
We have no time for swankers in Meggies. Get down St Peter’s Avenue and order an Oceans special: haddock, chips, peas, bread and butter, pot of tea and a slice of apple pie. With cream. And a spoon.
The Premier Inn often has clean rooms and is near enough to the beach for the gilded elite to glide across the ground without touching the earth that mere humans use. If he feels reet fancy, then try a reasonably priced B&B up Isaacs Hill, within easy walking distance of Blundell Park, and after about 4am, the drunken disco dwellers actually stop wandering past so you can get at least an hour’s kip. Hey, I tell yer what, Lloyd Griffith’s mum owns one, so he could wangle a decent deal at celeb rates and go down memory lane reminiscing about the greatest game ever-ever-ever.
There's a quote saying "Stockport Isn't Shit" which has taken off around our town, with the words proudly displayed in bars and on various bags and t-shirts. What quote would you use to promote Cleethorpes to people who think it's not that fashionable?
Put down the knitting, the book and the broom. It's time for a holiday!
The old slogan was “Cleethorpes, it’s the place to be!” It was a joke then. It isn’t now.
Ask yourself one question. What good is sitting alone in your room? Come watch the Mariners play.
Which Grimsby player is most likely to end up in League Two's team of the season?
We don’t do star men. McAtee was the exception that proved the rule. It’s all about the collective, ghostly cogs in the Mariner machine. That’s the way Hurst likes it.
So far we’ve signed 10 players but I haven’t seen any of them yet. They all look good on the YouTubes though, especially Kamil Conteh. As we sit here dreaming and scheming I’d plump for KC to be the sunshine in our band.
Early predictions for 2023-24?
There’s a lot of cash being splashed in a slapdash way down here in the not-so-bargain basement.
Logic and proportion always leads you to the financial power of clubs, so one day dear old Mrs Harrogate will go back to her ladies who lunch with some Rich Tea biscuits and our sympathy. But not until Simon, the home help, has finally left. Wouldn’t it be nice if Creepy Crawley finally got squashed, and Newport are definitely dark horses for disappointment. One can only hope that the team that should not exist stops existing, and maybe Fruits of the Forest Green will go back to Brigadoon, especially if thermo-nuclear culture war is launched on their eco-warrior owner. Won’t anyone bring some sunshine to Morecambe? And then there’ll be someone we hadn’t thought of who turn out have a really rubbish manager and are a bit unlucky.
As for the stargazing end of life, well, Hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow. Too much cash, too much media fawning, and if they get around to removing Porkinson then they may actually succeed, properly. You Stockpotters will go up, Bradford and Salford will sulk and skulk around, and then there’s about a dozen teams all spending money like there is no tomorrow. And for some there may not be when they begin to bumble around mid-table by midwinter.
Who knows? Too early to tell isn’t it. Anyone could do anything but we know money talks in the end, luckily for you.
Click on the links below to read the previous 2023-24 previews we’ve published so far.
Crawley / Mansfield / Newport / Wimbledon
Grab yourself a “Stockport Isn’t Shit” bag
You might not know Jen from Hug & Co, but if you’re from Stockport you’ll definitely recognise the bag she designed, which was originally posted online as a bit of a joke before she was inundated with requests from people wanting to buy one! You can still get your hands on one of these bags and be able to proudly announce that “Stockport Isn’t Shit” wherever you are in the world.
Visit hugandco.co.uk for further details.
Photo of the day
A front room in Woodley, Stockport
It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I wouldn’t normally advocate using red on a County kit (in fact, has anyone checked on Lancs considering there’s a splash of “dung” on this season’s strip?) but as a 90s kid, I’m very much in love with our 2023-24 offering. I’ve got Big Kev and Beaumont and Bergara in my head every time I look at our new kit, and that can never be a bad thing. Social media was awash with Hatters showing off their new purchases yesterday, so that had to be the theme for today’s photo. It was then a case of choosing which one, and I’m sure you’ll agree I’ve picked a good one, with Danny and Joey Bonsall modelling it wonderfully.
Today in SK
🍺 Food and drink
Nelson Tavern (SK1) have a great range of offers throughout the week, including £4.50 for drinks off the Doubles Bar, a comprehensive range of shots for £2, and 3 for £6 on Jägerbombs.
Lite bite meal deal at The Friary (SK3). Cod or haddock, served with chips, and a side of peas, curry or gravy. Plus tea or coffee. £9.95. 11.30am - 7.30pm.
Tapas Tuesday at TRUNK (SK7) from 5pm. All tapas dishes are 3-for-2 (cheapest dish free). Call 0161 222 9260 to book a table, and mention “The Scarf My Father Wore” to receive a 15% discount off the normal tapas menu.
🎱 Free pool
The George & Dragon (SK7). 6pm - 9pm.
The Scarf My Father Wore works closely with venues on a daily basis to bring you the most comprehensive guide to all of the best offers and events taking place across the whole SK region. Click on the links below for full details of everything taking place in your area over the next few weeks.
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The Grimsby Guy is truly the creme de la creme among fan-writers, I really love his stuff whenever you have him on. Among much virtuoso and trademark fare here, the phrase 'The Premier Inn often has clean rooms' was worth the admission fee on its own. Understated but deft enough to leave you gaping in its wake, like an Ollie Crankshaw shoulder-dip.