I played at Edgeley Park… and scored past Lee Jones!
Des Junior scores a beauty in front of the Cheadle End (before missing an abysmal penalty moments later)
Thursday 28 March 2024
NEXT HOME GAME: Wimbledon – Monday 1 April, 3pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Forest Green – Friday 29 March, 3pm
If you’d like to write an article for The Scarf My Father Wore, share a few snippets or photos, or advertise your business, please email thescarfmyfatherwore@substack.com.
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and anyone else from The Football Family joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Thursday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore, coming to you from a Travelodge in Liverpool!
I’m here for three nights doing some extra work on a new production, which involved a late night yesterday getting very cold and very muddy! I’m actually still in bed now (I’m working till 1am later) and I won’t lie, I need an easy day where I delve into my archives to share one of my old articles with you. Today, I’m taking you back to 2014 when I played (and scored!) in a charity match at EP.
I played against Mike Flynn that day, and I’m very much looking forward to interviewing him next month. ‘Flynny at the Finger’ – an evening with County legend Mike Flynn – is at The Fingerpost on Wednesday 17 April. Start time 7.30pm. If you’d like to join us, please email thescarfmyfatherwore@substack.com. Tickets are £10 (or £5 for paid subscribers plus anyone who’s written an article for The Scarf My Father Wore). That includes a full colour souvenir programme, and even a little bit of stand-up comedy!
Today’s edition is sponsored by Malbern Solar. My thanks to Wayne and Vicki. If you’d like to save money on your energy bills, make sure you book your FREE survey, worth £150. Full details below.
Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Total distance so far: 136.36 miles
Total steps so far: 217,174
Total raised so far: £1,666
Total completed streets so far: 271 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
I believe this is what you would describe as a “win-win” situation. My decision to play in a charity match at Edgeley Park on Saturday afternoon meant £75 went into the coffers of breast cancer charity Genesis. It gave me the chance to grace the hallowed turf for the first time in seven or eight years. And a crowd of over 200 people got the chance to watch a true Stockport footballing legend in action. No, not Mike Flynn. Yes, he’s enjoyed an illustrious career. But, be honest, his achievements don’t match a 2008 Stockport District Sunday League runners-up medal, do they? I thought so.
If we’re being completely honest, I think one or two of us would fall into the category of doing our bit for charity, but in truth, could probably do a little bit more. Perhaps charity is a word which means more as you get older, or when life throws a curveball into your path. Speaking personally, the latter is certainly true. Having managed to negotiate my first quarter of a century without any real problems (alcohol-related incidents in Football League seaside towns aside) I was then hit with depression, which you cannot comprehend how debilitating it is until it rears its ugly head. I feel indebted to various people in helping me turn the corner and it absolutely makes you want to give something back to help others in a similar situation. Doing something for charity myself is certainly on the agenda at some point. I just have to come up with an idea because I really don’t want to sit in a bath full of piss or run the London Marathon dressed as a cow. Answers on a postcard.
I mention all of this because Chris Williams is in the same boat, eager to support a good cause based on personal experience. His auntie has sadly suffered from breast cancer in recent years, which gave Chris the determination to raise money for Genesis and also generate awareness for the disease by organising a charity match between County fans and a selection of former players. Game on!
Understandably, I’m quite excited as I arrive at Edgeley Park just after twelve, although having not played a proper game of football for a few months, I’m a little concerned at the weather, which is making me sweat a little before I’ve even put my boots on. I walk down Hardcastle Road but instead of walking through the turnstiles as I usually do, today I’m heading through the players’ entrance, just as many legends have done in the past. The likes of Big Kev, Super Al, Toddy, Jimbo and, of course, Adriano Moke.
Having done the obligatory standing-around-on-the-pitch for a few minutes, we’re ushered into the visitors dressing room. Waiting for us is a kit from Stockport College. Shirts, shorts and the smallest socks in history. For a good few minutes, our squad are desperately trying to pull and drag socks over their shin pads and up their legs. This will surely do as our warm-up. It’s too hot for anything else. After that, we take to the pitch (only when you’re stood on it do you realise it’s about twice the size as park pitches in Stockport) to blast balls at the Railway End net for fifteen minutes or so, most of which end up on the Railway End itself. Indeed, I find myself clambering up the steps to retrieve a ball from underneath the scoreboard at one point. Then our manager for the day takes us for a proper warm-up, a few jogs and a few stretches, and an attempt to learn each other’s names as none of our squad really knows each other.
A few minutes before one, our cobbled-together team line up in the corridor. Our manager has basically told us not to waste too much energy going for the ball, because we won’t stand a chance of getting it. Just try and get men behind the ball and take advantage of any mistakes they make. That’s easier said than done. There’s a few nervous faces amongst us, and it doesn’t help when the proper footballers start coming out of the home dressing room. Playing against former players who pile on the timber when they retire, you sometimes have a chance, but we’re lining up against a Scottish Premier League player in Greg Tansey, Jason Taylor of League Two, Paul Turnbull from the Conference and a few others still playing at a decent level. Goalkeeper Lee Jones still looks like the proverbial brick shithouse who will be impossible to score against (well, keep reading…..) and then there’s Mike Flynn, who also made one or two appearances at Edgeley Park apparently. This could be a long afternoon.
As we’ve got a few strikers, I start on the bench. I could have made the line-up in defence but I think I’d rather take a mini break to Syria than chase Chris Williams and Paul Ennis in the sun. I take my place in the dugout, pessimistically expecting my team to concede within a minute. But we start quite well. Everyone seems bang up for it and the game is still goalless ten minutes in, before the inevitable happens and Ennis gives the real footballers the lead, beating former County keeper Matt Glennon, who’s helping us out. And probably wishing he hadn’t as he’s in for quite a long afternoon. It ends up 4-0 at the break with Matt Broadhead (a scout for United) scoring a penalty (“NEVER REFEREE”) and Chris Williams grabbing a couple.
Back in the dressing room at half-time, our squad looks a sorry state. If this game is men against boys, we certainly know which we are. Our team needs a lie down and a massage, not another 45 minutes running around in the sun. With a squad of fourteen, we’ve been making changes every few minutes during the first half. That number is now down to twelve, however, with a couple of injuries, and looking round the room it’s unsure whether many of us will get through the second half. There’s problems in the other dressing room as well, though. Mike Flynn has to leave, which takes our opposition down to ten men. A request comes for one of ours to cross sides but we show excellent team spirit and solidarity by telling them to get stuffed. For the whole of the second half, we will have an extra man.
It makes no difference. Ennis soon makes it 5-0, and makes it six by completing his hat-trick. But then, our moment comes. Somehow, we score. And it’s a decent goal as well. The ball falls to Damian Kirkman outside the area and he drills a low shot which genuinely gives Lee Jones no chance. Is this the start of an unlikely comeback? You probably know the answer to that one. Ennis grabs his fourth (7-1) and Williams also completes his hat-trick (8-1).
By this point even a few of the decent footballers look knackered, so you can only imagine how the shit ones are feeling. The sun’s belting down and the game slows down to the pace of Brett Angell attempting a Cruyff turn. There’s still time for a couple more goals, though. Des Hinks, otherwise known as me, as I’m the one writing this, who it’s fair to say has done absolutely nothing all game, finds himself bearing down on Lee Jones after being put through from a superb midfield pass. To the shock of everyone in the ground, he shows delightful composure and uses the outside of his right foot to curl a shot past Jones into the far corner of the net. It’s without doubt the greatest goal ever seen at Edgeley Park. That makes it 8-2 before the final word of the afternoon, fittingly, goes to Chris Williams, the one who brought us all together, as he scores his fourth goal of the game to give the County players a 9-2 victory over the supporters.
I feel I’ve been quite honourable in allowing Chris to have the final word. Because it could have gone to myself. In the final minute of the game, Matt Broadhead hauls me down inside the box, which means I’m the one responsible for taking the penalty. I could score, don’t get me wrong. If I wanted to, I could smash the ball into the top corner of the goal. No problem. But I decide this is for charity and I don’t want to steal all the limelight for myself, so instead I decide to scuff my shot wide of the Cheadle End goal. It’s the worst penalty ever seen on a football pitch. As if I’d do that if I was actually trying to score. I missed it on purpose. You believe me, don’t you?
The final whistle goes and the Main Stand offers a round of applause for the players. The County lads obviously deserve it for a nine-goal display. But so too do the supporters, firstly doing their bit for charity and secondly for showing a lot of spirit for constantly battling and plugging away on a bloody big pitch in bloody hot weather against bloody good footballers. We’ve prevented our opponents from reaching double figures which is a good achievement I reckon. The sandwiches and beers waiting for us in the dressing room after the game are gone within minutes.
I’m writing this on Sunday morning. I’m not exaggerating when I say I can hardly move. My muscles are aching. My face is slightly sunburnt. My feet are killing me. And don’t even get me started on these bastard blisters. But as it’s for charity, I won’t complain too much. There’s people out there going through a hell of a lot worse after all. Yesterday was all for a good cause and it’s a nice feeling being able to support an event which means a lot to a former County player. Yet another enjoyable County day involving players and supporters, amongst friends and family, and we raised a decent amount of money for Genesis. There’s already been talk of doing it all again next summer. There’s a chance the battered and bruised bodies slumped in the visitors’ dressing room yesterday will have recovered by then. Possibly.
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Photo of the day
Ibiza, 2006
County fans on their way to the hotel, ahead of the San-An-Cup in the summer of 2006, where Jim Gannon’s men took part in a pre-season tournament with Carlisle, Scunthorpe and a local team on the island.
Today in SK
🍺 Food and drink
If you’re in Stockport today, pop into The Petersgate Tap (SK1) for a couple of pints. Open till 11pm.
If you fancy a good lunch today, head to The Dog & Partridge (SK2). One course for £7, two courses for £11. 12pm - 2pm.
Fish Meal Deal at The Friary (SK3). Lite bite fish and chips with peas, curry or gravy. Plus tea or coffee. £9.75. Open till 7.30pm.
🎶 Free jukebox
The Nelson Tavern (SK1). From 6.30pm.
🎤 Karaoke
Enigma (SK1). 8pm.
🎵 Live music
The Strines Nightingale (SK6) have five days of live music over Easter, from more than 20 artists. Twelve local brewers are involved as well, so you can enjoy a pint (or two!) of real ale with the music.
Random County fan of the day #81 – Isaac Stronge!
One final thing before you go… if you’re in need of any of these products or services this month, get in touch with our brilliant bunch of sponsors!
🎨 Art & Gifts: Kate O’Brien Art
🪟 Blinds & Shutters: Bauhaus Blinds & Shutters
📚 Bookkeeping: Eleven Accounts Services Ltd
🧱 Builders Merchant: MKM Manchester South
🍰 Cake Maker: Claire Green Bespoke Cakes and Catering
🧽 Car Valeting: Rub A Dubz Detailing Ltd
🏠 Carpets & Flooring: Kingsway Carpets & Rugs Ltd
🐈⬛ Cat Sitting: The Crazy Cat Ladies Cheshire
👶 Child Health: The Sleep Nanny
🤹♀️ Children’s Entertainment: Stockport Hero Hire
🧹 Cleaning: Beespoke Cleaning
🚙 Coatings: Colourtone Ltd
🗣 Counselling: Time and Space Counselling
🦮 Dog Training: Paws High Peak Dog Training
🚘 Driving School: CFN School of Motoring
💷 Financial Services: The Mortgage Mill
🔥 Fire Protection: Radial Fire And Security Limited
🍸 Gin: Hatters Gin
🛁 Grout Refresh & Recolour: GroutGleam Stockport
💇♀️ Hairdressing: C West Hairstylist
🛠 Home Improvements: Menzies Develop & Build
💻 IT Services: Bridge Computer Services
🪚 Joinery: SAW Contracts Ltd
👨🍳 Kitchen Appliances: SW Appliances
🔑 Locksmith: APL Locksmiths Ltd
🚐 Minibus Hire: Westfield Minibuses
🧤 Oven Cleaning: That Oven Girl
🖌 Painter & Decorator: BGM Decorators
🎈 Party Supplies: Step Into Fun Events
🚑 Personal Injury: Parkers Solicitors Ltd
📸 Photography: Holly Dwyer Photography
🎹 Piano Tutor: Sophie Grace Piano and Keyboard Tuition
🚰 Plumber: GTG Gary the Gasman
🦶 Podiatry: SK Podiatry
📕 Publishing: Victor Publishing
☀️ Solar Panels: Malbern Solar Ltd
👨💼 Solicitors: B.J. McKenna & Co
⚽️ Sports Coaching: UK Sports Coaching Ltd
🪨 Stonemason: LM Stone Creative
🪵 Timber Supplies: Portwood Timber Division of Illingworth Ingham (Manchester) Ltd
☀️ Travel Agent: PTF Travel Ltd
👨💻 Web Design: SITEZO
⚖️ Weight Loss: Slimming World Reddish & Bredbury with Shlean
🪟 Window Cleaner: R ‘N’ B Window Cleaning
🏋️♀️ Women’s Fitness: Sophie Pavey Fitness
🧘♀️ Yoga: Greenshoots Yoga
I also played on EP. It was 1963, I was 11 and it was Great Moor Juniors v Bridge Hall, schools final, I was goalie. Full pitch, full-size goals. The goals were huge and I was 5’0”. It was the thrill of my life to occupy the same goal as my hero, Harold Lea. We lost, 2-5, I was busy. We all washed off the mud in the players’ bath.