Merry Quizmas Everybody!
An awful headline from your editor, but a cracking night at Stockport Gin for The Scarf Bergara Wore’s annual festive frolics
Monday 25 December 2023
NEXT HOME GAME: Mansfield – Monday 1 January, 3pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Barrow – Tuesday 26 December, 3pm
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🎅 Good morning County fans, and may I begin by wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas! Season’s greetings to all of our other readers as well. We’ve got subscribers from Adswood to Australia; wherever you are in the world I hope you have a wonderful day.
My Christmas build-up kicked off with a brilliant night at Stockport Gin last Wednesday as The Scarf Bergara Wore hosted their second festive quiz. A write-up from the evening is below, along with a few pics, and some questions for you to have a go at.
Today’s edition is sponsored by Pro Clean Carpet Services. If you’ve gone downstairs this morning to find that Santa and Rudolph have trampled mud all over your carpet, and dropped cookies and carrots everywhere, call 07359 461781 or email info@procleancarpetservices.co.uk.
Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Total distance so far: 46.68 miles
Total steps so far: 83,302
Total raised so far: £1,037
Total completed streets so far: 24 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
I’m utterly ashamed to admit I finished this write-up over the weekend, but saved it for today so I could use that headline. Even though it’s an incredibly shit headline. That’s what spending an evening in the company of Nick Lee does to your creativity.
Speaking of Nick, he was the only survivor from the line-up of quiz contestants in 2022. Sam Byrne (a late dropout due to a work commitment), Andy James (not allowed back after drinking Zombie cocktails from a Tupperware container at last year’s quiz) and Liam Richardson (on holiday in Jamaica) were replaced by Russ Johnson, Mark Wagster and Geordie Hatter, Jonathan Baker.
A quick note on Liam Richardson before we continue. I think a holiday in Jamaica is a pathetic excuse to miss The Scarf Bergara Wore’s annual quiz. You might side with Liam in this argument, pointing out Jamaica’s beautiful beaches, and eclectic cuisine. But I took my pen and paper to the quiz on Wednesday night and made a note of the fact that within a stone’s throw of Stockport Gin you’ve got a casino, Steve’s Old Barber Shop and Fireaway, where you can get a “designer pizza in 180 seconds”. What more could you possibly want?
Russ Johnson was the quizmaster for the inaugural quiz in 2022. Hosting duties this year went to Evil Ben Walker, the man with more County shirts than the County club shop. I say evil, because all four contestants seemed to be bricking it before the quiz. There were 105 points to play for, but Ben had told them he’d be surprised if anyone made it beyond 30.
After pre-quiz gins and giggles in the smart new upstairs function room at Stockport Gin (we were downstairs last year), our quizmaster introduced the two teams. Nick (“a man unbelievably allowed out on his own”) and Jonathan (“host of the quintessential County away day radio show”) going head-to-head with Russ (“the man who does the techy stuff for the podcast”) and Waggy (“the newest addition to the stable”).
I had no idea how evil Evil Ben Walker’s quiz was going to be, but at least I’d heard of the two players mentioned in his introduction: “Do you know your Ben Thornleys from your Ben Hinchliffes?”
Round one for The County Courtyard C*nts and Half Man Half County Content Creators was a set of questions on the calendar year of 2023.
“This might be a recurring theme, but after the first question both teams have zero points,” said Ben after the first teaser. Who scored County’s first league goal of 2023? With answers of Madden and Wootton, both teams were incorrect. It was Antoni Sarcevic, with County’s first goal in the 2-0 victory against Northampton on Saturday 14 January. (Madden scored the first goal of 2023 the previous weekend, but that was in the FA Cup.)
To their credit, both teams came up with some decent answers in round one, with Nick and Jonathan taking an 11-7 lead.
Round two was a fun one, which stemmed from a game played on the podcast. Has this County player ever played for Oldham Athletic? The teams were given former Hatters such as Mike Flynn, Aaron Wilbraham and Gareth Owen (yes yes yes), and Owain Fon Williams, Jake Simpson and David Poole (no no no). Both sides scored three points. 14-10.
Round three offered both teams the opportunity to potentially bank 44 points (spoiler alert: they didn’t) by naming County’s starting eleven from games such as Gillingham on the opening day and our title-clinching victory against Halifax. The round was based on Who Dares Wins, the quiz presented by Nick Knowles between 2007 and 2019 as part of the National Lottery show on the BBC. One team had to bid on how many correct answers they could give, with the other team required to either place a higher bid, or force their opponents to proceed with their list. Russ and Waggy took the lead for the first time after this one. 25-23.
A series of quickfire questions took us into the half-time break. Everything from the club we signed Big Kev from (Derby) to our shirt sponsor before Robbies (Cobra Lager). Both teams picked up some good points to leave the score tantalisingly poised at 29-29.
One of the questions in that final round of the first half was the following: what was the telephone number for Stockport County ClubCall? Obviously neither side knew that. I didn’t know that. The rest of the audience didn’t know that. Oh, apart from Mark Brockbank, who deserves a shoutout for getting the answer bang on when the question was offered to the crowd. It’s one of the greatest examples of pointless County knowledge I’ve ever seen at a County quiz. Huge respect to Mark for that one.
(For any of our younger readers, ClubCall was a phone number you dialled to find out that County had lost at Blackpool, or Lee Todd was out of action for two weeks with a headache, or… the… Hatters… were… on… the… verge… of… making… a… big… new… signing. Exciting news from the heart of Edgeley Park, and it only cost you £12,000 a minute for the privilege.)
The second half kicked off with a round where both teams would take turns naming surnames of County players in alphabetical order. Alun Armstrong, Tom Bennett, Ryan Croasdale etc. Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it?
We only made it to ‘E’. I’m a huge fan of the work of both Nick Lee and Jonathan Baker, but if you’re contestants in a Stockport County quiz, you’ve got to be able to name a Stockport County player with a surname beginning with ‘E’. Fair enough, you’re probably not going to have a Jack Earp or a Stan Eastham or an Ike Evenson on the tip of your tongue, but your brain’s got to be storing a Jeff Eckhardt or a Neil Edwards or an Anthony Elding. I forgot to even make a note of the score at the end of round five, such was my disgust. In defence of Nick and Jonathan, the beers and the gins were flowing quite nicely by this stage of the quiz. And I know from personal experience how stressful it is hearing the pissing Countdown clock music when you’re trying to concentrate. Evil Ben Walker indeed.
I’m only joking, by the way. Ben compiled a belting quiz. I’ve been to pub quizzes before where the questions are incredibly boring – standard shite on geography or history that you could lift straight out of a quiz book. The best quizmasters are those who think outside the box a little, bringing a touch of fun and novelty to proceedings. And on that note…
Which County player follows Dele Alli, Michelle Keegan, Dwayne Johnson and The Only Way Is Essex on Instagram?
Audible groans from the audience (and the contestants) but that’s a cracking idea for a quiz round. Will Collar’s the answer, by the way. Russ and Waggy were back in front at this point. 33-29.
Nick and Jonathan started to repair their reputation in the penultimate round, Nick in particular with a superbly geeky answer, which he followed up with: “I can’t wait to kiss a girl.”
Ben gave both teams a particular County game, which required the name of our goalscorer. Questions started off easy, like who scored for County against Burnley at Wembley, for one point. (Worryingly, Russ and Waggy took an awfully long time to answer this one.) You’d get two points for a medium question, like John Jeffers scoring the winner at home to Watford in 1996-97, and a thoroughly deserved five points if your County knowledge extended to Scott Spencer scoring at home to Gainsborough in a 3-1 defeat in 2014-15. (Just 2,504 fans at EP for that one.) 40-38 to Russ and Waggy going into the final round.
I didn’t think Ben could outdo himself following the Instagram round. But I was wrong. Our host turned his laptop around to show distorted images of County players from FIFA 23. Quiz glory in 2023 would come down to which team were better (or luckier, if truth be told) at identifying animated versions of Fraser Horsfall and Jacob Davenport. In all the excitement, I forgot to write down the final score (“some reporter you are, Des!”) but I do know the honours went to Nick and Jonathan. A valiant effort from Russ and Waggy as well, with the quiz going all the way to the final question.
“This is the best day of my life,” said Nick Lee. Quite a bold statement. Wait until he locks lips with a girl for the first time. I think I’d be lying if I said Wednesday was the best day of my life (I’ve actually kissed a girl for starters) but I’ll tell you what, this was the second time The Scarf Bergara Wore have laid on their December quiz, and on both occasions it’s felt like the start of Christmas. A room full of County nerds (I’m proud to include myself in that group) wearing a plethora of different County shirts and Christmas jumpers, enjoying an evening packed with County trivia. I’d highly recommend attending next year’s quiz to all our readers. In fact, tickets have just gone on sale. To purchase yours, simply call 0891 12 16 38. And if you’ve used your mum and dad’s landline to do so, fucking leg it.
A big thank you to Paul Sharrocks for hosting the event, quizmaster Ben Walker, contestants Nick, Jonathan, Russ and Waggy, and all the County fans in the audience who made it a cracking Christmassy night!
It’s Christmas Day. I’ve got to type up a few questions for you to enjoy with your friends and family today, haven’t I? Here’s ten evil excellent teasers from quizmaster Ben Walker. Enjoy, and good luck!
1) After beating County in the third round of the FA Cup back in January, who did Walsall play in round four?
2) Has Liam Dickinson ever played for Oldham Athletic?
3) Which 11 players started for County in the play-off final against Carlisle at Wembley?
4) Who were the opponents the last time County played a game in League One?
5) Which County player follows Jack Grealish, Ricky Hatton, Conor McGregor and Manchester Citeh on Instagram?
6) Who scored County’s goal in a 1-1 draw at home to Wrexham on Boxing Day 1994?
7) During 2023, which seven teams did County lose to in the league (not including the play-offs)?
8) Has Jake Simpson ever played for Oldham Athletic?
9) Back in the early 90s, in an interview in the match programme, which TV show did Chris Beaumont say was his favourite?
10) Who scored County’s winner in the 1-0 victory at home to Dover in 2021-22?
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Des Junior’s Great Big Review of 2023: Part 6 – June
Myles Hippolyte was called up for Grenada, Neill Byrne signed a new two-year deal, Billy Chadwick signed from Hull, and the new fixtures came out. Gillingham at home to start, with a cheeky trip to North Wales on the final day. Sheffield Wednesday away in the League Cup, with Salford, Bolton and United’s kids in the EFL Trophy.
Photo of the day
A pub in London
Barnet away. The late Chris Thompson doing what Chris Thompson did best – entertaining an entire pub full of both friends and strangers with his infectious humour and energy.
Our thoughts are with all of our readers sitting down for Christmas dinner today without a loved one. 💙
Today in SK
If you fancy a pint before your turkey today, join Lisa and Stewart for a festive tipple at The Crown Inn (SK6). 11am - 3pm.
DJ Des
Merry Christmas County fans!
Would you like DJ Des to play a particular song for you? Email thescarfmyfatherwore@substack.com with your requests/shoutouts!
Quiz answers
1) Leicester
2) No
3) Hinchliffe, Wright, Horsfall, Hussey, Knoyle, Croasdale, Camps, Sarcevic, Rydel, Madden, Olaofe
4) Tranmere
5) Sarcevic
6) Lee Todd
7) Grimsby, Wimbledon, Barrow, Gillingham, Walsall, Mansfield, Newport
8) No
9) Only Fools & Horses
10) Madden
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What a bloody great write-up, Des! And you're right, I'm still kicking myself over my 'brainfreeze' at letter 'E' in that alphabetical sprint. Edwards, bloody hell! You're also right to record for posterity that Ben's quizmastering was beyond compare. Cannot wait for next year already!