“Walking the ball across the back four is quite scary and not very sensible either against this league’s leading leaders of everything”
The wonderful Tony Butcher is back with us today, a man who somehow uses Kaiser Chiefs lyrics to write a pre-match prediction for a fourth tier football match
Friday 9 February 2024
NEXT HOME GAME: Crewe – Tuesday 13 February, 7.45pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Grimsby – Saturday 10 February, 3pm
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Dear County fans, Stopfordians, Grimsby supporters, and anyone else from The Football Family joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Friday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
I don’t need to write anything to introduce today’s guest. It’s Grimsby Town fan Tony Butcher from Cod Almighty. He’s ace.
Today’s edition is sponsored by STUDIO26 Haircare and That Oven Girl. A big thank you to both Aaron and Fay.
Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Total distance so far: 83.07 miles
Total steps so far: 142,594
Total raised so far: £1,352
Total completed streets so far: 123 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
What's your prediction for Saturday's game?
There you’ll be, happy as Larry in the Osmond Stand, watching the people in the Pontoon Stand get lairy. It won’t be very pretty, I tell thee. Yes, I predict a riot. Of colour, or at least colourful language as Newly New Town dice with death and dance with disaster playing junior Pepball. Walking the ball across the back four is quite scary and not very sensible either against this league’s leading leaders of everything.
If Paddy Madden’s Flying Circus is cocky and complacent, looking for a fun day out by the sea, then coupons may get busted.
If not, we’ll get gutted again big time. We don’t seem to do anything by halves these days.
You're currently seven points off the drop zone. How squeaky are the bums getting over in your part of Lincolnshire?
After the drunken clown car jaunt through January the terrible tediosity of the Tranmere implosion was the tipping point for a collective collapse; a very vocal minority were melting quicker than the ice sheets of Greenland, or the ice cream in Lionel Messi’s sauna.
What a bunch of big drips we are.
One adequate performance later and all’s well that ends well.
The word is delicate.
Which of your January arrivals have had a good impact so far?
We bought a cerebral Scouser and he lasted an hour. We borrowed a boy from over the river which had instant gratification but soon paled. Then we finally decided to replace our dog walkers with full-backs, resulting in a distinct decrease in heart fluttering.
The big news is all about Kamil the Calm. He came, we saw, he wandered off pretty pronto. The replacement bus service seems to get us from a to b all right. But as Old Blue Eyes said two clean sheet don’t make a summer.
The sample size is too small to draw conclusions from. But it could have been worse.
David Artell took over in November. How’s he getting on?
The man with mesmerising eyes, bluer than a lagoon, deader than a shark, is a man with plans. About 326 variations on a throw-in to start with. It’s a ball of confusion for many, who remain confused.
Collective judgement is publicly withheld, privately the mutterings have begun. He’s a terse Yorkie, the rhetorical rope is short for such fellows, patience is thinner than a royal heir’s hair. Especially for brainbox clever-clogs who can’t articulate their theories and feelings in simple sentences with simple words.
He interviews like a bouncer struggling to pass his anger management course, which is building a store on non-warmth towards him. If the team does what he promises then he’ll be tolerated, just like the last lad from Rotherham, the now lately lamented Paul Hurst.
Time will tell.
Do you still refer to our manager as “Boo Challinor Boo!” at your place?
We’re very polite people here at Cod Almighty, you should hear what they call him in the cheap seats. There will be many a Pringle crisp eaten in the Main Stand this Saturday.
What’s the fan culture like at Grimsby at the moment?
Mmm, culture. It grows on you, doesn’t it.
What is this thing you call culture? The arts and manifestations of human intellectual achievement? The ideas, customs, and social behaviour of a particular people or society?
Well, we’ve taken to acting like teenagers at their nan’s on a Sunday afternoon. Bored, silent, eating a packet of crisps very loudly and just kicking our heels waiting to go home.
We’re more animated and jolly away from Blundell Park at the moment. After two giddy years this season of torpor is messin’ with our minds.
Where should County fans go for the best fish and chips in Cleethorpes tomorrow?
Ah, that would be telling. For your average daytripper the traditional destination for your feast of haddock (we don’t eat cod, that’s for passing trade) is Steels in the market place. Connoisseurs of the chippery head to Oceans Fish Bar, though Ernie Beckett’s is a fine takeaway choice. Pappas at the Pier is run by Yorkies. That’s all you need to know.
“Really, Desmond, really?” That was your response last time we spoke, when I asked you the following question: “Grimsby are nicknamed the Mariners and you write for a website called Cod Almighty. Did you have fish rather than turkey on Christmas Day?” So… what did you have on your Christmas dinner?
What a strange obsession you have. What do you think we are over here, some kind of birdwatching freaks? Gravy.
On a serious note, how has the local area been impacted by the decline in the local fishing industry in recent years?
The fishing industry declined and disappeared 40 years ago. The substitute industry – chemicals – declined 30 years ago. The substitute substitute – frozen food production – began declining 20 years ago. We’ll see how long the latest black and white hope, alternative energy, lasts. The pace of decay quickens as everything shrinks and the town is sinking, literally.
Is Jason Stockwood our King Cnut? Some of the more recherché moaners and groaners out there certainly think so. I say think, that’s merely a rhetorical device.
What's your best ever Grimsby XI?
It most certainly isn’t the present one.
What do you mean “best XI”? Define your terms! What does “best” mean? A hotch-potch of heroes from different ages? A single team that was “da best”? Anyone who played in Town shorts at any time, ever? We could nick Stanley Matthews then for turning out once in the Wartime Cup.
In the days of my youth I was told what it means to be a Town fan. Now I've reached that age where time withers the memories of what they couldn’t do, but amplifies what they could. The early mid 1980s were the highpoint, when we finished 5th in Division Two with half a team of local lads. But the acme was Alan Buckley’s perfect blend of grit and craft from a decade later. Not the best individuals, but the most complete team, the best XI we’ve put out since before the war: Crichton, McDermott, Handyside, Futcher, Croft, Gilbert, Groves, Dobbin, Childs, Mendonca, Woods.
Classic team, classic games, from the good times, not the bad times.
Click here for some more Grimsby v County build-up on codalmighty.com.
5 questions with Aaron Shepherd from STUDIO26 Haircare
What was the best moment with your business in January?
Our client Jack Massey knocked out his opponent in his boxing match in just 1 minute and 57 seconds.
What’s your plans for the business this month?
Keep growing the best barbershop and barber education in Stockport.
What would you like to promote to our readers and subscribers this month?
If you’ve ever thought of a career as a barber, you can train with STUDIO26 Education. If any The Scarf My Father Wore readers are interested in training as a barber, I’ll offer a 10% discount.
As it’s Valentine’s Day this month, what’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone?
Just been me!
There’s loads more train strikes this month. How have they affected you over the last few weeks?
We’ll sometimes get staff being late.
Have you always wanted to become a barber? Or are you stuck in a miserable job at the moment and fancy a career change? Give Aaron a call on 0161 222 4760 or email studio26haircare@outlook.com for further details.
Let’s play a game of ‘Spot the Difference’!
Can you spot the difference between the two photos above? It’s not exactly the hardest game you’ll ever play, is it? That’s because Fay from That Oven Girl is very good at what she does!
The “before” photo is your oven on a Sunday afternoon, after it’s taken a battering with roast chicken and potatoes and vegetables.
The “after” photo is your oven once you’ve given Fay a call, and she’s got it looking brand new for you once again.
Book your oven cleaning slot by calling Fay on 07487 252758 or email thatovengirl21@gmail.com.
Photo of the day
The Petersgate Tap, Stockport
Were any of our readers in The Petersgate Tap last night? If so, you might have recognised a familiar face. Comedian Ed Byrne, star of Mock The Week and Live At The Apollo, popped into the Tap for a pre-show pint (Mallinsons Mosaic) before performing his latest tour at Stockport Plaza.
Today in SK
🎬 Cinema
Three films at The Savoy Cinema (SK4) today. Migration (U) at 3.30pm, All Of Us Strangers (15) at 6pm, and Mean Girls (12A) at 8.30pm. Click here for tickets.
💿 DJs
Stockport’s biggest party at the weekend is at Bask (SK1), with DJ Gareth Brooks playing till 3am. Last entry 1.30am.
The Nelson Tavern (SK1) have their resident DJ playing on a Friday night, with Dicko (Ian Dickinson) on from 8pm till 1am.
🍕 Food and drink
Treat yourself to the February special from Enigma (SK1). Just £5 for a hot dog with grilled onions, ketchup and mustard, skin-on fries, and any ground bean coffee. 12pm - 10pm.
It’s Monsters Weekend at The Petersgate Tap (SK1). A collaboration with Torrside Brewing, with eight beers available to try which are all 9% or over.
Today is National Pizza Day! If you fancy a pizza yourself, The Dog & Partridge (SK2) have a delicious range. 12pm - 8pm.
🎤 Karaoke
The Alexandra (SK3) with DJ Big Ace. 8pm.
Random County fan of the day #40 – Dave Schofield!
One final thing before you go… if you’re looking for a Valentine’s Day gift this month, how about a painting, or a cake, or a bottle of gin, or anything else from our fantastic sponsors!
🎨 Art & Gifts: Kate O’Brien Art
💈 Barber: STUDIO26 Haircare
🪟 Blinds & Shutters: Bauhaus Blinds & Shutters
📚 Bookkeeping: Eleven Accounts Services Ltd
🍰 Cake Maker: Claire Green Bespoke Cakes and Catering
🧽 Car Valeting: Rub A Dubz Detailing Ltd
🧼 Carpet Cleaning: Pro Clean Carpet Services
🏠 Carpets & Flooring: Kingsway Carpets & Rugs Ltd
🐈⬛ Cat Sitting: The Crazy Cat Ladies Cheshire
👶 Child Health: The Sleep Nanny
🤹♀️ Children’s Entertainment: Stockport Hero Hire
🧹 Cleaning: Beespoke Cleaning
🚙 Coatings: Colourtone Ltd
🦮 Dog Training: Paws High Peak Dog Training
🚘 Driving School: CFN School of Motoring
💷 Financial Services: The Mortgage Mill
🔥 Fire Protection: Radial Fire And Security Limited
🍸 Gin: Hatters Gin
🛁 Grout Refresh & Recolour: GroutGleam Stockport
💇♀️ Hairdressing: C West Hairstylist
🛠 Home Improvements: Menzies Develop & Build
💻 IT Services: Bridge Computer Services
🪚 Joinery: SAW Contracts Ltd
👨🍳 Kitchen Appliances: SW Appliances
🔑 Locksmith: APL Locksmiths Ltd
🚐 Minibus Hire: Westfield Minibuses
🧤 Oven Cleaning: That Oven Girl
🖌 Painter & Decorator: BGM Decorators
🧱 Plasterer: Tate Plastering Services
🚰 Plumber: GTG Gary the Gasman
📕 Publishing: Victor Publishing
🛖 Roofing: ADM Roofing Services Ltd
☀️ Solar Panels: Malbern Solar Ltd
⚽️ Sports Coaching: UK Sports Coaching Ltd
🖊 Tattooist: Heatons Tattoo Club
🪵 Timber Supplies: Portwood Timber Division of Illingworth Ingham (Manchester) Ltd
☀️ Travel Agent: PTF Travel Ltd
👨💻 Web Design: SITEZO
⚖️ Weight Loss: Slimming World Reddish & Bredbury with Shlean
🪟 Window Cleaner: R ‘N’ B Window Cleaning
🏋️♀️ Women’s Fitness: Sophie Pavey Fitness
🧘♀️ Yoga: Greenshoots Yoga
That guy is amazing. I simply stop whatever I'm doing and begin reading whenever I see his name or that of Cod Almighty in the byeline. Too many world-class! pieces of phrasology in here to pick out a stand-out.... but the reference to the manager interviewing like a bouncer taking an anger management course will stay with me for a long time.
Oh and also ... I'm nicking the chip shop review for the AwayDay Show tomorrow right now! Marvellous stuff- bravo!