We’re all going on a League One tour, but what have Sutton made of 23-24…

The U’s bravely took their fight to the final day, but after three years in the EFL, they’re heading back to the National League

May 08, 2024

Wednesday 8 May 2024

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Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and anyone else from The Football Family joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Wednesday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.

Dan from Gandermonium joins us today as our review of the season continues with Sutton.

Today’s edition is sponsored by DT Plastering Services and Damp Proofing Specialists. A big thank you to David. Give him a call on 07774 325529 or email dtplasteringservices@gmail.com for a quote.

Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.

Total distance so far: 148.94 miles

Total steps so far: 237,462

Total raised so far: £1,686

Total completed streets so far: 304 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)

Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.

Des Junior

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we’re all going on a League One tour! Are you going to give us a friendly wave off at the airport, or are you glad to see the back of us?

Hey, we heard someone else went up with Wrexham, was that you guys? Really? Ah cool. Sorry, but we missed that in the blizzard of congratulations for the Hollywood fairy story. How close did you get to them for the title in the end? Can’t have been more than 10-15 points, surely?

Seriously though, we said you’d be a frontrunner this season and in our two meetings you were by far the best side we played. A few other sides impressed us in one-offs (Crewe were good at ours, Harrogate perfect away performance at GGL, Mansfield at ours), but all felt beatable in the returns and weren’t infallible in those games mentioned. You guys were good both times. Pleased for Tanto too, he’s a good lad and pleased to see him kicking on.

Gareth Southgate needs a last minute replacement for his Euro 2024 squad. Which Sutton player deserves the nod based on their performances this season?

Harry Smith. Shithouse, gives the chest thumping PASHUN! Lad’s something to cling to (big lad up top) and he’s about the only one who really performed consistently over the season. I’d have said Charlie Lakin, but sadly he wasn’t our player. Fucking typical of our season really.

With World War 3 getting closer with each passing day, the government have asked me to pass on the following questions:

A) Who’s been your toughest player in 2023-24, most suitable to stick on the frontline?

B) What’s the best food you’ve had at a ground in 2023-24, that we can use for the troops in the trenches to keep morale up?

C) If World War 3 does kick off, how will Sutton fans react in a crisis?

A) Toughest? Ha ha. Yeah, we’ve had loads of those to choose from this season. Can think of a few we’d like to send in proper Putin cannon fodder style, but no one really tough that would benefit our forces other than taking a bullet for someone far more useful.

B) Only stuff I remember were Accrington’s pies. I had two at half-time as I was Hank Marvin and they were pretty good. Nothing else stood out to me to be honest. And most grounds that advertise their offerings like some sort of artisan food fair these days never bother letting the scum in the away end have any of that (we’re looking at you here Grimsby). Definitely wouldn’t be ours though. Rubbish.

C) Probably just roll our eyes at the no doubt impending stop to football five minutes after we got relegated, meaning any chance of a quick Football League return will be ruled out by everyone being dead.

Best moment of 2023-24?

Probably the away win at Notts County. Hilarious as it meant we doubled them, scoring nine in the process, it was Morison’s first win, it gave the squad some belief and best of all, it was the first time this season we got someone booed off. Fucking love that I do. No better thing in the world than some spoilt, up themselves, considerably better than yow tossers booing their side off as they’ve not rolled you over 12-0 because you’re in the relegation zone or just because they consider you insignificant. Get it up you lads (and lasses).

Worst moment of 2023-24?

Probably Crawley’s 90th minute equaliser in the last home game of the season. We were 2-1 up and a win with the results elsewhere would have meant going into the last day just a point behind Colchester. Even a miserable old cynic like me that had largely accepted we were down since about October suddenly believed for about 10 minutes we could possibly do it. Then we did what we’ve done all season and shit the bed. Utterly sickening.

Honourable mention to Dean Bouzanis gifting Donny probably one of the most pointless, brainless penalties I’ve ever witnessed 10 seconds from full-time at GGL. They’d absolutely stank the place out, we were 1-0 up and I think it was their only effort on goal all day, let alone on target. They lost once after that day and made the play-offs. We kept that tit in goal another month and went down.

Funniest moment of 2023-24?

Aye, laugh a minute this season so tons here to choose from. Not.

I’ll go with the spunking cock on my Guinness in Crewe stopping off on the way back from the game at yours that one of the lads got me in his round. Sums up our sense of humour perfectly, even having just witnessed a once in a generation face fucking. Couldn’t help but laugh.

Four Four Two said you’d finish 23rd. When Saturday Comes said you’d finish 19th. You finished 23rd. Discuss.

I’d say overall the side were generally more WSC than FFT. Sadly though, the club clung onto Matt too long and by the time we finally made that call, we’d blown more than half the season to get three wins. If we’d cut our losses in October like literally any other club would have (and I’m being generous there, most would have sacked him first week of September), we’d probably have come closer to 19th than 23rd.

County 8 Sutton 0 in December. Sutton 1 County 3 in April. Thoughts?

You’re a good side, there’s no arguing that fact, but Jesus fucking Christ on a bike, how about just keeping it tight for 10 minutes lads. Was it THAT hard? One down inside six minutes at yours, one down inside three minutes at ours. Hopeless.

Best and worst away days of 2023-24?

Worst was probably Donny in mid-October. They were bang average, had like 15 players out injured and yet still absolutely pissed all over us. That should have been the game that cost Matt his job to be fair, not the defeat at yours. We were utterly fucking pathetic that day. Still makes me angry now just thinking about it.

Best was probably Wombles away on Boxing Day. Sure, Notts as already mentioned was fun as was the late night celebrations in town after, but being as shit as we were, getting a 1-0 dig-in win at theirs and under the caretaker control of one of their old skippers was delicious. Best of all, they knew it was coming too. That and it was 20 minutes in a cab from the pub in Sutton both ways. No getting up at 5am, no Euston station, no Avanti, no £80 trains. Marvellous.

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Time for a spruce up at home?

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Photo of the day

The infamous blue-painted cat, causing havoc in various Stockport Facebook groups last night.

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Today in SK

🍺 Food and drink

The Nelson Tavern (SK1) have a great range of offers throughout the week, including £4.50 for drinks off the Doubles Bar, a comprehensive range of shots for £2, and 3 for £6 on Jägerbombs. 12pm - 11pm.

If you find yourself in Stockport today, pop into The Petersgate Tap (SK1) for a pint or two. 3pm - 10pm.

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100 random grounds that County have played at

#12 – Wembley

Last visit: May 2023. County were six minutes away from a place in League One, before Carlisle struck a late equaliser. The Cumbrians went on to win 5-4 on penalties. Thank fuck we’re not heading down to North London this time around and we can sit back and enjoy everyone else’s agony in the play-offs, with our promotion to League One already safely in the bag.

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