100 ways to slightly improve your life without really trying (Part 1: 100-81)
It’s IMPROVEMENT WEEK on The Scarf My Father Wore!
Monday 22 January 2024
NEXT HOME GAME: Harrogate – Saturday 3 February, 3pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Doncaster – Saturday 27 January, 3pm
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Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and anyone else joining us today, a very warm welcome to IMPROVEMENT WEEK on The Scarf My Father Wore!
On New Year’s Day 2022, The Guardian published the following article: 100 ways to slightly improve your life without really trying.
I care about all of my readers and subscribers, so having stumbled across the article recently, I thought I’d share it with you, to see if I can help improve your life in a small way. But the feature by The Guardian simply listed the 100 recommendations. There was no meat on the bones. How do we even know those 100 things will make any improvement to your life whatsoever?
There was only one thing for it. I’ve analysed the list myself, and with the kind help of fellow County fans, other football supporters, and writers, bloggers and podcasters from across the country, we’ve collectively produced the definitive guide to (slightly) improving your life this year, without really trying. If you try any of these suggestions yourself, please let me know how you get on!
Today’s edition is sponsored by Sitezo. A big thank you to Tom. Give him a call on 07729 225170 or email enquiries@sitezo.co.uk to arrange a free no-obligation consultation if you’ve got a web design project you’d like to discuss.
Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Total distance so far: 46.68 miles
Total steps so far: 83,302
Total raised so far: £1,037
Total completed streets so far: 24 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
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100: Look closely
Paul Grech, editor of Cultured Football and author of Echoes of an Italian Summer: Stories from Italia 90
VAR is all about looking more closely, isn't it? And everyone knows what a success that has been! Look closely? No thanks, mate!
Rating: 0/10.
99: Skinny-dip with friends
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
You might not be surprised to learn this was one of the options I couldn’t get any of our contributors to choose. Actually, I tell a lie. Someone from Burnley got in touch and told me he was going skinny-dipping later that day, and he’d be happy to do a write-up for me, but then revealed he was going with his sister and it all got a little bit weird so I had to block him.
Personally speaking, I did run naked through Stockport bus station after a night out many years ago, but there’s not a chance I’m going skinny-dipping at this time of year, even if this article was my idea. If you’re on holiday somewhere warm, I’m sure it’s pretty funny doing it with your mates, or a rather romantic activity with your partner, but the vast majority of people reading this live in the UK. And on that basis, with the amount of sewage being pumped into our water these days, I’d advise against it.
Rating: 0/10. Nobody wants a turd in their mouth when they’re swimming.
98: On the fence about a purchase? Wait 72 hours before you buy it
Marv, editor of punk rock fanzine Gadgie, which covers records, gigs, memories and misadventures
Heavens to Betsy! No, no, and thrice no! If you are on the fence about a purchase, buy it or don’t buy it. None of this going home and having a think with the intention of returning on Monday as you never do. Just buy it or don’t and that’s it. Move on. If only I’d followed my own advice that day in a record shop in Wisbech.
Let’s head back to a hazy, summer day a few years ago when I fancied a run out in the car to Wisbech where I could take in two particular pursuits that would suit the long summer holiday mood of both myself and my young daughter. First up, the small but perfectly formed museum at this Cambridgeshire outpost of civilisation had a dinosaur exhibition on. All bairns like dinosaurs, right? I’m a sucker for a few prehistoric perusals too. Secondly, there’s, again, a small but perfectly formed record shop there too. When little one is all dinosaur-ed out and placated with sweets and pop, it’ll give me chance to do some crate digging in the vinyl emporium I had not visited in a while. Marvellous. Off we set and the plan worked a treat. After checking out a great T-Rex skull and other such fossilised fun and frolics we headed to the back street that contained the potential treasure trove that was the record shop.
Flicking through the punk 7”s with a couple of relatively rare (ish) Blondie 12”s under my arm, the proprietor spied my choices and chanced his arm…
“Alright mate, you into yer punk then?”
“Why yes good fellow, yes I ruddy well am!”
“I have a box full of singles under here, you can have a look if you like? They’re all old ones though!”
“They’re all old you say…”
This was indeed a most exciting prospect to myself, a keen collector of all things punk rock both old and new, but especially old. The more obscure the better in fact. I have a deep affection for the old punk rock of the late 70s and early 80s and yeah, of course, Sex Pistols, Banshees, Clash, X Ray Spex et al are all up there but it’s the paths less well travelled that I prefer to explore more. The lesser known and unheralded bands of that golden era that burned brightly – or at least with some minor luminescence – in their local area’s pub back rooms and parish halls, releasing a demo or scrappy photocopied 7” cover before disappearing to the great gig in the sky.
The finest hour of our heroes would be a support slot at the local town hall in 1979 to some touring band who these days are just a single rung above them in the obscurio stakes but it was a big deal at the time. I discovered a band called The Red Noses who sang in Welsh, and judging by some of their lyrics, would probably be getting a visit from Operation Ewe Tree in modern times if they had risen to any fame or infamy beyond being banned by Radio Swansea way back when.
A 25p charity shop find. Yep. Bought it. None of that wait around 72 hours carry on there. Likewise, The Sconeheads 7”. Never heard of ‘em? Don’t worry, nobody else has outside of the Lake District punk scene of the late 70s. £2 for their long lost single at a gig once? Yep, worth a gamble and bagged it. It’s great. See also taking a punt on The Atrix “Treasure on the Wasteland” single (with picture sleeve no less) for £8 in a record shop in King’s Lynn.
Anyway, this box of old 7” singles emerged from under the counter and in I dove to see if there was anything that could sit alongside The Red Noses, The Sconeheads and The Atrix in my ever growing collection of punk rock singles.
There was! In amongst the usual Buzzcocks, Pistols, Clash and Damned – The “Eloise” 7” is everywhere isn’t it? – there were a few oddities that I didn’t recognise. Two 7” singles with what appeared to be partly hand drawn artwork. “Honour Before Glory” and “Play Loud” by The Nuclear Socketts. Whoever they were. According to the sleeve, they were “West Norfolk’s Finest” playing “Music That Refuses To Die”. Very punk rock and defiant and that and done with a stencil. Proper punk rock obviously.
The record shop fella spotted me investigating further and suggested £20 each as they were pretty rare. Yeah, never ‘erd of ‘em myself like but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are rare records worthy of a considerable price tag. I turned them over in my hands and studied them carefully for any clues to what they may be – definitely some sort of punk rock from the early days.
The record chap filled in some details. They were local to this area, put out a couple of singles, played King’s Lynn and the surrounding areas. Hard to find these records these days. In this day and age, a quick look at Discogs on one of them portable telephone things every bugger has now but at one time didn’t, would have sufficed, but of course this wasn’t “these days” it was “those days” and I was unable to verify his claims that I had in my hands some old gold rather than old rope. Forty quid was quite a chunk out of our day out budget and I already had two choice Blondie items under my arm with the divine Ms Harry peering out of the cover at me. Naturally, I couldn’t pass on Blondie records that I don’t have – trust me, that is another story for another day – and our tummies were rumbling in anticipation of a promised dinner treat with dad after the museum and record shop, so The Nuclear Socketts singles went back in the box. After all, it’s payday next week, I’ll come back and get them then if my online at home investigations suggest them worthy of a place in my record cabinets and they are still there. They will be, won’t they? Of course they will. He keeps the box under the counter and only reveals its bountiful assets to those who look like they are “into punk rock”.
I did indeed, upon returning home, check online, as the new Blondie 12” spun, whether these dusty relics of the early 80s were what I had hoped they would be. Yes. They were. It appears that The Nuclear Socketts certainly would be the sort of band I would be drawn to. The sort of band whose hard to find records I would love to add to my ever growing collection. Their two singles do indeed go for between £20 and £40, so a bit steep back then but in hindsight, yeah, shoulda bought ‘em. Shoulda put Blondie back and made do with a pasty and can of pop. Should have gone back the next day, never mind 72 hours later. Of course, I did go back a week later and nope, they weren’t there. Neither was the record shop man. Or the record shop man’s shop. It’d shut down. Bugger.
Rating: 0/10. Terrible advice!
97: Tip: the quickest supermarket queue is always behind the fullest trolley (greeting, paying and packing take longer than you think)
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
The quickest supermarket queue is always behind the fullest trolley? Is it bollocks. I genuinely tried this before Christmas and was stuck behind an old couple putting a month’s worth of food on the conveyor belt. I didn’t get out of Asda till Boxing Day.
Rating: 0/10. I missed me Christmas dinner.
96: Learn a TikTok dance (but don’t post it on TikTok)
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
I don’t use TikTok. And I certainly have no desire to learn a stupid dance like one of those weird serial-killer-vibe-families on there.
Rating: 0/10. With every TikTok dance, the end of human civilisation draws ever closer. Don’t do it.
95: Text to say thank you
Hannah Brown, Stockport County fan and co-host of The Lower League Look
I am the world’s worst texter. I regularly leave people on read. Not because of any kind of passive aggression or game playing, but more often because I want to make sure I reply properly, and give it my full attention. I then completely forget, don’t reply, and seem like an utter dick.
I failed at replying to this too. The sentiment was there. I even knew what I’d practice on. I thought about it lots before the text was due. I reminded myself several times. I’ve even reminded myself that I still needed to do it. But then the time has passed and guess what? I’m a dick again. However, I’m also an expert at over compensating. So if you receive a massive cookie bouquet in the next week, it’s in lieu of a thank you text. And also, I’m sorry, I’ll be better.
Rating: 0/10 but it’s honestly easy for normal people, try it.
94: Buy a plant. Think you’ll kill it? Buy a fake one
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
I’ve never been into gardening at all, but I can see why people enjoy it, mowing their lawn on a beautiful summer’s day, or planting flowers or vegetables or whatever. But those fake plastic plants indoors just look shit. (My apologies if you’ve currently got one in your living room or your kitchen.)
Rating: 1/10. Not for me.
93: Bring fruit to work. Bring fruit to bed!
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
As you know, I’ve decided to go full-time with The Scarf My Father Wore this year. So how do I make bringing fruit to work interesting? I’ll sometimes have a banana while I’m on my laptop at home, but I don’t think writing about that would see me nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.
Instead, I bought a couple of packets of Fruit Gums and Fruit Pastilles which I was looking forward to dishing out to County fans on Saturday, just like I did with a tub of Celebrations for one of the first ever pieces I wrote for the website (such as Irish Micky pictured above). But Jack Frost stopped me travelling to Nottingham. (And yes, I am aware Fruit Gums and Fruit Pastilles are not actual fruit, but I was hardly going to rock up to Meadow Lane with a load of melons and grapefruits was I?)
As for bringing fruit to bed, my very first girlfriend (from Reddish) did cover me in strawberry body paint one evening. But that’s an image none of us want on a Monday morning…
Rating: 2/10. Two packets of Fruit Gums and Fruit Pastilles ready to be enjoyed by County fans on Saturday but the weather ruined it. (I think I’ll share them amongst the travelling Hatters at Doncaster instead.)
92: Ask questions, and listen to the answers
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
It wasn’t just the Fruit Gums and Fruit Pastilles. I had some cracking questions lined up for County fans (and possibly one or two of the Hooters barmaids) on Saturday. Fuck you, Jack Frost. (Even though I think another blank Saturday in January will do us the world of good and we’ll comfortably win at Donny on Saturday.)
Rating: Another 2/10.
91: Dry your cutlery with a cloth (it keeps it shiny)
Graham Allsopp, Stockport County fan living in France
I find if you stick your cutlery in a dishwasher, you don’t have to polish it as you can simply grab the handles of the cleaned items. Can I please ensure your readers put their cutlery in with the blade, fork prongs etc downwards. That should hopefully protect you in the highly unlikely event of tripping and then stabbing yourself by falling onto an upturned blade in the rack (which has happened).
Rating: 2.5/10.
90: Sharpen your knives
Paul Grech, editor of Cultured Football and author of Echoes of an Italian Summer: Stories from Italia 90
For anyone with a passing interest in football, sharpening of knives means only one thing: the imminent departure of a manager. Football managers are well aware of the nature of their job; that in the vast majority of cases their job ends with a sacking. And yet they persist, somehow confident that this time they will manage to beat the odds. Even when their team is consistently underperforming or failing to meet expectations, they keep on persisting. I envy their self-belief (or is it self-delusion?) that the people who matter will retain faith in them. Up until the final minutes they keep telling everyone that they have a job to do.
That's why knives are sharpened; to sever the managers from their fantasies of being able to turn things round. Often, it is a decision fans welcome; sometimes one they protest. Whatever the case, for me I can't help but think of a person who has lost his job and effectively been told that they aren't good enough in a very public manner. I think of his family – parents, partners and kids – and the uncomfortable conversations to be had after the dismissal.
Rating: 3/10. A necessary reality of football, but sharpening of knives always makes me sick.
89: Can’t sleep? Try a relaxing soak with lavender bath oil before bed
Bob Carey, Stockport County fan exiled in Essex
Having a relaxing bath? Are you taking the pee?
Now, when I look in the mirror in my bathroom, I see a skinny, angular male model. What I mean by that, is that I see me in the mirror, not another bloke. That would be worrying.
When I have a bath, however, I realise otherwise. Resplendent in my armbands and County speedos, I clearly have not lost the baby weight after my wife deposited children 25 and 21 years ago. Not great. I do love my manboobs, though, so I tend to bathe topless.
Now I do like a bath. Bubbles and a candle or two? Nice. Lavender? Why not?
My problem over recent months, though, has been getting out of the bath again. My knees just haven't kept up with the rest of my bodily expansion. Seriously, I have to splash about for five minutes and eventually manage to struggle onto my knees and drag myself out like a hairy whale. It’s not an easy job. My knees are abandoning me.
So how is that relaxing? Waterboarding me in lavender water would be preferable. I would probably confess to anything too (such as my on-off illicit affair with Kylie Minogue since we bumped into each other when County last played York City).
Rating: 3/10.
88: Buy a cheap blender and use it to finely chop onions (it saves on time and tears)
Sarah Hurst, editor of parenting blog arthurwears.com
One small change I’ve made which has made a huge difference is to switch from chopping onions (and other veg) by hand and using a cheap blender to do this instead. Not only does it save on tears, but it allows for super fine chopping – which is an absolute godsend if you have children who will pick out onions from their food if they spot any!
I used to use a Kenwood mini blender, but I’ve recently switched to a mechanical blender with a pull handle and it’s a total game changer! It has three parts: the bowl, the blades and the lid with the string pull handle. Simply add your onion quarters to the bowl with the blades, put the lid on and pull the handle. The string makes a cog inside the lid rotate which in turn makes the blades rotate and chop the food. It is super powerful, easy to control the level of chopping, and easy to clean too. Here’s an example of a mechanical blender.
Rating: I’d say 4/10, because let’s be honest, nothing has really changed apart from the speed I can chop an onion, which just means I spend slightly less time cooking!
87: Always bring ice to house parties (there’s never enough)
Jem Stuart, a retired moonwalker
A few years ago, I’m at a party. It was the middle of summer so we bought a lot of ice to keep the drinks cool. As we had so much ice, we got a large plastic container to pour the ice into, then used that as a drinks cooler. Over the course of the evening, the ice in the container began to melt but was still chilled so we just left it as it was.
A short while later (and after a few drinks) we tried moonwalking… and my friend tripped over mid-moonwalk into the container of melted ice/drinks, then got stuck and was unable to get out. The good friends that we are were unable to assist due to fits of laughter, so my friend had to sit in the bucket of melted ice for what probably seemed like an eternity (but in reality was probably a few minutes). They then spent the remainder of the evening making various attempts to dry their trousers whilst we all continued to drink the drinks my friend had sat on.
Moral of the story: don’t put ice into a plastic container and leave it on the floor, and don’t attempt moonwalking whilst tipsy.
Rating: I wouldn’t say it’s caused a huge transformation, but it’s one of the funniest moments I’ve been part of. I’m definitely not moonwalking drunk again though, so I’d say 4/10.
86: Add the milk at least one minute after the tea has brewed
Oli, co-host of Sheff United Way
You’ve got to let the tea mash, people!
A good cuppa can make all of life’s ailments a little less problematic – but you’ve got to make that cuppa just right! Whether you’re in the office, round your parents, or you’ve got friends visiting yours, taking that extra minute to let the tea mash properly before adding your milk goes a long way to the best brew.
Oh, and always buy Yorkshire Tea. It’s the only way for a “Proper Brew”.
Rating: 5/10.
85: Always be willing to miss the next train
Des Junior, The Scarf My Father Wore editor
Always be willing to miss the next train? WE’VE GOT NO SODDING CHOICE IN THIS COUNTRY AT THE MOMENT!
Rating: This could quite easily be a zero, but I do love the trains and the railways in this country (when they’re not being handled like a 5-year-old with a Scalextric set on Christmas Day) so I’m going to be generous and give a 5/10. I probably would be willing to miss the next train, if I knew for certain the next one was going to turn up, rather than waiting on a platform for six hours for Northern Rail to find a driver.
84: Go for a walk without your phone
Tim Watson, exiled County season ticket holder based in south-east London and accidental Paddy Madden lookalike
Middle day of a week-long training course in Lincoln with 11 other civil servants. Perfectly nice people but cabin fever setting in. A glorious summer's day and we looked set for a late lunchtime finish until the fire alarm delayed us by an hour or so. Still, we were out by around 3.30pm which gave me ample opportunity to execute my plan, which was to give the rest of the group the slip and take a leisurely walk into Lincoln alone. I'd been a couple of times before with County but it always seemed to be an evening match, so I'd only seen the ground and its immediate environs. It was a good 45 minute walk from the training centre, but an easy one as you can see the cathedral for miles, and I knew I would still have a good hour plus to explore town before I had to head back for my evening meal.
Phone was dead so I left it charging in the room. Did my nice walk, got back, shower, and then walked into the bar to be greeted by angry stares from my whole group and a couple of shouts of "speak of the devil" followed by "where were you when the second fire alarm went off?". It transpires it went off shortly after I left and there was an attempt to assemble everyone outside. My group, being none the wiser, assumed that I was in my room and spent a good while hammering on my door, before getting hold of my phone number from the course coordinator – "this person's phone is switched off". There was no procedure in place for signing in or out of the complex – we were all grown adults after all.
I have been back to this training centre several times since then, and they’ve put some fairly draconian rules in place to account for us. I've always assumed that this sudden loss of trust was to some extent a direct result of my walkabout antics!
Rating: I'll go straight down the middle and say 5/10. No huge long-term change to my own wellbeing but I left a legacy!
83: Ditch the plastic cartons and find a milkman
Paul Franklin, Wealdstone fan and co-host of the Luke Walsh Football Podcast
I remember as a kid being able to order milk from the milkman and it be on the doorstep of a morning – fresh and ice cold!
Roll on 35-40 years later and I’m now able to pass on that small, weekend joy to my kids. They are so used to the plastic cartoned versions of cow juice that they never knew these glass bottle delights existed.
I had a doorstep visit from The Modern Milkman, who were touting an introductory offer. With a new small business of my own, knowing they can deliver the milk when we want as well as saving the planet from some plastic waste, signing up and supporting them felt like the right thing to do.
It took a few weeks of testing the different varieties but the kids now love nothing more than sinking an ice cold, chocolate flavoured milkshake direct from the bottle! I love nothing more than seeing a small piece of my childhood replicated in this modern, convenient, plastic flooded world.
Rating: 6/10.
82: Buy secondhand
Rich Pullen, Swindon Town fan and host of The Loathed Strangers podcast
I decided to make my life different by buying secondhand.
This was a challenge that I wanted to embrace as 2023 didn't exactly make it into my 'Top 10 of years lived so far' list and the notion of 'without trying' was a big appeal! So I glanced around various charity shops wondering what on earth could make my life better.
Sometimes, I suppose you are who you are and when I saw this absolutely fake but absolutely wonderful West Germany away shirt, well, it pulled me in its gravitational pull.
A bargain, a percentage to charity, and boy did I feel even better when a garish USA 94 equivalent emerged from the same rack.
2024 will be my year.
Rating: 6/10.
81: Take a photo of the tag you are given when leaving your coat in a cloakroom
Robert Nichols, editor of the Middlesbrough fanzine Fly Me to the Moon
This one’s got nightclub vibes, which I’m a bit old for these days, but if I’m parking in a street at an away game, or at a music festival, or anywhere with a big car park, I will take a photo of my car to show its position so I can find it later (when it may be dark).
I learned this the hard way. I once attended a big music festival at Jodrell Bank, parked up, and then after a fantastic out of this world show by The Flaming Lips returned to the car park and had absolutely no idea where my car was. The trouble was my usual purple car was in the garage for some work and the garage had supplied me with a silver car instead. As I looked around most of the cars seemed to be silver/grey. I then realised I didn't even know the registration of this hired car. I remember waving hello to many friends as I wandered around for the next hour trying to find my unfamiliar car. I actually only found it in the end because most of the cars had already left. But now I always take a photo just in case.
Rating: 6/10. I no longer get lost on the way back from the match.
Part 2, counting down from 80 to 61, will be on The Scarf My Father Wore tomorrow. Click on the subscribe button and you’ll receive it for free in your inbox.
Today’s sponsor: Sitezo
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Photo of the day
Rodney Parade, Newport
Cheers, Newport! We’re still top of League Two thanks to that result.
Today in SK
🎬 Cinema
Two films at The Savoy Cinema (SK4) today. Priscilla (15) at 5.45pm and One Life (12A) at 8.15pm. Click here for tickets.
☕️ Food and drink
Whether you like it hot or cold, head down to Coffee Block (SK1) to get your matcha fix. Open till 5.30pm.
Start your week in style by enjoying some delicious tapas dishes (with a cheeky cocktail or two!) at La Cueva (SK8).
🎶 Free jukebox
Nelson Tavern (SK1). From 6.30pm.
🎤 Live music
Open mic night at Bask (SK1). Arrive at 7pm to sign up if you’d like to perform. First come, first served.
❓Quiz night
The George & Dragon (SK7). 7.30pm.
The Scarf My Father Wore works closely with venues on a daily basis to bring you the most comprehensive guide to all of the best offers and events taking place across the whole SK region. Click on the links below for full details of everything taking place in your area over the next few weeks.
SK1 / SK2 / SK3 / SK4 / SK5 / SK6 / SK7 / SK8 / SK9 / SK10 / SK11 / SK12 / SK13 / SK14 / SK15 / SK16 / SK17 / SK22 / SK23
Random County fan of the day #22 – Linda Hook!
One final thing before you go… if you’re looking to learn to drive in January, or lose a few pounds after Christmas, or even get some work done at home, please contact our fantastic advertisers!
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