Doncaster, Wimbledon, Colchester, Crewe, let’s have a catch-up with you… and Sutton too
Our 2023-24 preview continues today with Sutton, who County much prefer playing in the Football League (2 wins from 2) than non-league (0 wins from 4)
Wednesday 19 July 2023
NEXT HOME GAME: Huddersfield – Saturday 22 July, 3pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Sheffield Wednesday – Tuesday 8 August, 7.45pm
Dear County fans, Stopfordians, and any Sutton supporters joining us today, a very warm welcome to your Wednesday edition of The Scarf My Father Wore.
Sorry, give me one second readers, let me just shut down Pornhub on my laptop…
There we go, all sorted. Apologies, I was just watching Sarcevic’s lob from last night again. My God that was sexy, wasn’t it? And how fitting on Des Junior derby day as well, a man who’s scored so many goals of a similar standard over the years on various park pitches across Stockport. (AFC Gardeners away… corner comes in… chested down… volleyed into the roof of the net… ask Carl Mannion.) I tell you what, if Sarcevic is properly up for it this season, we could be going places. We’ll have a chat about that goal, plus all your other Chester stuff, over the next day or two.
Today, we’re making a much longer trip, down to Sutton to be precise, who are looking forward to their third season as a Football League club. I think we like having them on the fixture list, don’t we? Not so much in the National League, where we never managed to beat them, scoring just one goal in the process, but up in League Two we did the double over the U’s last season without conceding. We’ll have to wait until December to see if County can beat Sutton once again, but for now, let’s have a catch-up with Dan from the brilliant Gandermonium.
Finally, a big thank you to Sophie and Eddie from B for Balloons for sponsoring today’s edition. If you’re planning any type of celebration at the moment, check out their fantastic balloon displays, which could certainly add the WOW factor to your party.
Enjoy today’s issue.
Des Junior
Our place: Saturday 16 December 2023, 3pm
Their place: Saturday 6 April 2024, 3pm
Last win at our place: Saturday 29 October 2022, League Two, 3-0
Last win at their place: Friday 7 April 2023, League Two, 1-0
Today’s Sky Bet title/promotion/relegation odds: Us – 6/1 11/8 50/1 Them – 50/1 9/1 7/1
Are you glad County lost the play-off final, or would you rather be playing Carlisle this season?
Personally, I wasn’t that fussed, although I felt for Tanto a bit as that’s two Wembley defeats in two years now for him. Carlisle’s a decent away trip for us and so is Stockport, so for me it was either or. As a tie-breaker though, most of the mob I travel with prefer Carlisle away and were disappointed to lose them. So I guess Carlisle.
In terms of your summer transfer business, where have Sutton been shopping?
The usual. Getting the bus to the top of the high street and wandering down popping into wherever has a bargain bin. There’s been some Poundshop purchases with dips back into non-league, but I think it’s fair to say we’ve mostly sorted ourselves on an Aldi\Lidl sort of level. Couple of experienced League Two heads; couple of promising lads too. I doubt Sutton will ever get to anything like Marks & Sparks level, let alone somewhere like Waitrose.
With the current energy crisis, the government have ordered all Football League clubs to switch off one thing that uses power for the whole season. What are you choosing?
Our PA system. It’s bloody useless and has been for ages. You either can’t hear it on the Rec side of the ground or it sounds like the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons is doing it. A waste of electrons.
Which team do you most want to beat this season?
Walsall. Every game against them has been dreadful so far in League Two. The game at theirs last season especially so, as we dominated, only scored once (as we did a fair bit), and then with them not looking like they could score on the Reeperbahn with a 50 euro note taped to their bits, our keeper spilled a garbage free-kick and it was 1-1. They were so delighted with the point, you could hear them booing the team off from the station platform the other side of the motorway.
Turning over the Wombles again might be fun too given the fallout it triggered last season.
County haven't played MK Dons since 2009-10, so we're a little out of the loop. What's your current thoughts when it comes to MK Dons away – boycott the game, happy to attend, or reluctantly go without spending any other money on food, drink, programmes etc?
Firmly in the “Why didn’t you just buy MK City and get them out of non-league with a five-year plan like a normal shit or bust outfit?” camp on that one. We did it last year in the Carabao and what an experience that was, with barely 2,000 in, and 350 of those from Sutton. It’s a lovely stadium to be fair, genuinely a fantastic modern venue, however some bellend sadly built it in the middle of absolutely fucking nowhere. Probably just nicked some college team’s gaff from the USA or something knowing that lot, they have form after all. After ticking it, I swore blind I wouldn’t be going back again. And then the bloody Football League gave us it as our last game of this season which is obviously one of those “Don’t miss” games on the calendar. Wankers.
The Conservative party are in disarray at the moment. They've contacted your club and asked your chairman and manager to join them, to bring some new ideas to the table. Which roles would they be most suited to?
Is this another thinly veiled “You’re all Tories down south” one? Anyway, fuck ‘em I say, they’ve made their bed. Besides, we’ve got 50 League Two points to concentrate on getting. However, if you absolutely insist on us participating then I’m sure we could see our way to at least finding the clowns a better home secretary than the awful prick they currently have. Think we have a couple of old traffic cones knocking about in the car park that we’re not using at the moment, maybe one of those will fancy it.
There's a huge game at Gander Green Lane this season. You're 1-0 up with 15 minutes to go when Just Stop Oil protestors invade the pitch and get the game abandoned. How are Sutton fans reacting?
Much like most of the British public I’d imagine, a mix of shrugged indifference running through to rabid Jeremy Clarkson-esque “They should be shot” overreaction to it all. I can guarantee you we’ll definitely all be thinking, “They’ll definitely make us play this again and we’ll lose 3-0” though, nailed on.
Newport County, Notts County, Stockport County. Snog one, marry one, avoid one.
Marry Notts due to its sheer volume of boozers, snog you lot as it’s an alright day out, and avoid Newport as we always seem to have to go there when there’s poxy rugby on, so the trains are full of up themselves “Oh, football?” types. You know the ones I mean.
Ryan Reynolds gets in touch and says he wants you to take him on a Hollywood-style night out when Wrexham visit. He wants the nicest meal in town, followed by the swankiest bar, and then the best hotel. What are your recommendations?
Well the best hotel is probably the Holiday Inn, although no visiting clubs ever actually stay there. Ever. They usually bump into the Hilton over near Croydon for some reason. Still, no accounting for taste.
Swankiest bar would be All Bar One, mainly as he’d be the only one in there able to afford a drink so we’ll have the place to ourselves. We’ll tell him it’s because it’s proper exclusive or we’ve hired it just for him.
As for nosebag, after a few scoops, we’ll jump on the 151 down to Indiya Indiya by the Green. Underrated curry and one of the lads goes in there regularly and knows Raj the owner really well, so we’ll definitely be good for a couple of free Cobras over dinner. There’s nowt those mega-rich Hollywood types like more than getting summat for free right? Wouldn’t be surprised if he sold up and forgot all about former mining towns and Netflix documentary series after that lot.
There's a quote saying "Stockport Isn't Shit" which has taken off around our town, with the words proudly displayed in bars and on various bags and t-shirts. What quote would you use to promote Sutton to people who think it's not that fashionable?
“Hey, at least it’s not Croydon!”
Which Sutton player is most likely to end up in League Two's team of the season?
Craig Eastmond. Head and shoulders our best player. New lads Sowunmi and Clay might be outside bets.
Early predictions for 2023-24?
Tough one this as I think it’s going to be a bit of a bun fight this season. Gills are recruiting well, there’s media darlings Wrexham, Notts will be strong again, and of course your good selves. I’d say top three probably from you, Wrexham and Notts. Play-offs will be something like Gills, Bradford, Salford and maybe Barrow as an outsider? Going down looks like Crawley and one other this season. No one else stands out though really. As long as it’s not us, I’m not that fussed!
Click on the links below to read the previous 2023-24 previews we’ve published so far.
Crawley / Crewe / Grimsby / Harrogate / Mansfield / Newport / Salford / Swindon / Tranmere / Wimbledon
It’s party time!
That goal from Antoni Sarcevic at the Deva Stadium last night obviously means County are going to win League Two this season, so why not get your balloon orders in now for any title parties you might be hosting next April!
B for Balloons can certainly sort you out, and help you to make a statement with these show-stopping spiral balloon arches. You don’t have to order them for a County promotion party either. They’re perfect for store open days, big reveals, proms, awards ceremonies or any other type of party you might be hosting. Lots of different sizes available to fit most spaces.
Click here for contact details.
Photo of the day
I know Wrexham are excited about their first season back in the Football League, but this is taking the piss…
Today in SK
🍷 Food and drink
Fancy a few midweek drinks tonight? The Nelson Tavern (SK1) have a great range of offers throughout the week, including a Doubles Bar for just £4.50, a comprehensive range of shots for £2, and 3 for £6 on Jägerbombs.
For those on a gluten-free diet, finding a nice portion of fish and chips to tuck into can be quite difficult. But on a Wednesday at Fishers of Cheshire (SK2), gluten-free meals are available. Open till 9.30pm.
Lite bite meal deal at The Friary (SK3). Cod or haddock, served with chips, and a side of peas, curry or gravy. Plus tea or coffee. £9.95. 11.30am - 7.30pm.
Wine Wednesday at TRUNK (SK7) from 5pm. 50% off all bottles of wine from 7pm. Call 0161 222 9260 to book a table, and mention “The Scarf My Father Wore” to receive a 15% discount off the normal tapas menu.
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