County 8 (EIGHT! Yes, you read that correctly) Sutton 0
What a bloody brilliant afternoon
Monday 18 December 2023
NEXT HOME GAME: Notts County – Friday 22 December, 7.45pm
NEXT AWAY GAME: Barrow – Tuesday 26 December, 3pm
It’s Christmas Day a week today! Crikey. We’re certainly in the festive spirit at The Scarf My Father Wore HQ this morning (even more so after waking up to the gift of a new paid subscriber – a huge thank you to David Laycock!) following County’s incredible 8-0 victory on Saturday. I’m sure every Hatter is feeling on top of the world today, but for any Sutton supporters reading this, come on in and let Des Junior give you a cuddle and make you a nice hot bowl of soup. You’ll feel gr8 after that! Sorry.
Typing the word EIGHT in capital letters is taking the piss a little bit, but after all the crap we Hatters have been through over the last decade or so, I’m not going to apologise for thoroughly enjoying a moment like this, as it’s unlikely we’ll see a scoreline like that ever again, especially in a Football League game.
However, Dave Challinor was full of sympathy for Matt Gray and his Sutton team after the game on Saturday, and I do fully concur with those sentiments. I’d much rather have seen us stick eight past Burnley or Stoke (although we’ll soon be coming for both of you, our old friends…!). Sutton are a decent club, with a great fanbase, especially Dan from Gandermonium who still took time out of his weekend to make today’s contribution. (Jamie Summers has the honour of being our County fan to report on Saturday’s events.)
Before we proceed, I do have to point out that Dan was incredibly rude to me at 5.29pm on Saturday.
Shortly after that tweet, I spoke to my solicitor instructing him to start legal proceedings against Dan under the Malicious Communications Act 1988. But I was advised my case might not stand up in court following my own tweet I’d put out two minutes earlier.
In all seriousness, I’d like to wish everyone at Sutton a very merry Christmas, especially Dan and the other 93 poor sods in that away end on Saturday. We’ve been in that position so many times over the years (5-0 at Morecambe, 6-0 at Macclesfield, 7-0 at Grimsby) and it’s not a nice feeling. From the bottom of my heart, I truly hope Sutton bounce back and win their next game. That’s just an indication of what a wonderful human being I am. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Sutton’s next game is against 4th placed Mansfield.
Today’s edition is sponsored by That Oven Girl. A huge thank you to Fay. She’s actually fully booked this week in the run-up to Christmas (she’s very good at what she does!) but currently taking bookings for January. If the state of your oven fills you with dread, give Fay a call on 07487 252758 or email thatovengirl21@gmail.com.
Finally, I’m currently walking every street in Stockport to raise money for mental health charity Mentell. If you’d like to make a donation to help me reach my target, please click here.
Total distance so far: 46.68 miles
Total steps so far: 83,302
Total raised so far: £1,027
Total completed streets so far: 24 (Click here for the full list, which includes reports and photos from every day of the walk.)
Further information on the walk can be found by clicking here.
Des Junior
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✍️ Saturday’s match in one word
Jamie: Unreal!
Dan: Shameful.
🤔 Pre-match thoughts
Jamie: I was apprehensive to be honest! We’d been pretty awful on the Wednesday and needed a good performance, but it had all the hallmarks of a defeat: top v bottom, no wins in six versus unbeaten in five. I’d have taken a point!
Dan: As per the preview, didn’t really expect much regardless of your form or injuries. Just hoped we’d show up, put in a shift and see what we could get. It’s been a big ask a lot of this season so far, though, as you could clearly see.
🧐 Post-match thoughts
Jamie: Take a point? Shows what I know! That was special, wasn’t it? It was a really enjoyable performance, the football was brilliant and we did so well to respond to the Aldershot defeat like that. Proper County.
Dan: Mostly bad words. That’s been coming.
🔵 Verdict on County
Jamie: Brilliant. One of the most complete County performances in years. Everyone was at the top of their game. Madden rolled back the years, Croasdale higher up was phenomenal, Camps had his best game in a County shirt for me, Byrne carried the ball really well, Cotterill scored himself a brilliant goal. Couldn’t have asked for any more.
Dan: Hard to tell really, as quite frankly the opposition was of such desperately poor quality. But after the cup defeat in the week, they responded and got after us quick. Job done. Mr Challinor’s no mug, he’ll have watched some of our aways, seen we’ve got almost no backbone and just gone: “Get ahead early and they’ll go.”
🟡 Verdict on Sutton
Jamie: Is this still a family website? I don’t want to be rude to our friends from Surrey, but they were absolutely shocking. Probably the poorest performance by a professional opposition team I’ve ever seen. There was honestly nothing good to say about them.
Dan: Probably the most pathetic, lifeless, spineless shower of shit it’s ever been my misfortune to witness in 41 years following the club. An absolute disgrace. We’ve had some gutless performances this season, away from home especially. But that was another level.
🎩 Top Hatter
Jamie: Tough question! Everyone was brilliant but I’ve got to go for Paddy Madden. He was superb.
Dan: Madden was decent. One of those players that doesn’t seem to overly do much, except score goals. I do like Wootton too.
🟡 Top U
Jamie: Erm… the keeper made a couple of saves, I suppose? He’d probably get a 3/10!
Dan: Ha ha ha. Yeah, good one. Nearly got me there.
👂 Atmosphere
Jamie: Started off quite tense, I thought, but after the first four goals went in, the place was bouncing!
Dan: It was mostly swearing where we were to be honest. Although the young’uns tried to keep it light with their “We’ve got the ball, we’ve lost the ball chant” that at least raised a smile. Everyone else in the other bits seemed to be having a lovely time, though. Festive spirit alive and well in Edgeley it seems. Can’t think why.
🙏 Hopes for the rest of the season
Jamie: Unchanged really! We’re the best team in this division. I actually think we were last season too, but cost ourselves. We’re in such a strong position, there’s no reason why we can’t target the title.
Dan: If we reach 20 points it’ll be a miracle. We’re down.
😀 Best part of the day
Jamie: You know what, just being back at Edgeley Park with my grandpa. I’m in my 30s but it’s a ritual we’ve been doing all my life, and it’s what makes County so special to me. I’ve not been to many games this season because of work and living in the south. It’s good to be back. The eight goals helped a bit, too…
Dan: As per usual, the away day bullshit and nonsense with the people you travel with. Got back to Crewe after and my first pint of Guinness had a spunking cock artfully drawn on top at the request of one of the lads. That barman showed more ability and skill than our entire fucking team quite frankly.
😡 Worst part of the day
Jamie: The train up to Stockport wasn’t the best two hours of my life, truth be told. Too early for train cans, too busy for “The Shop in Coach C’s delicious hot and cold refreshments”.
Dan: My alarm clock going off.
It’s highly unlikely you’ll have the opportunity to report on eight County goals like Jamie, but if you fancy answering some questions on the Notts County game for us, please email thescarfmyfatherwore@substack.com.
The British Library receives a copy of every single book published in the UK. In the same fashion, Des Junior believes a detailed record of every County game should be preserved for the history books. So here’s the full story of our 8-0 (EIGHT!) victory at home to Sutton United on Saturday 16 December 2023, as told from his County-related WhatsApp groups…
10.00am: Even the fans are on the injured list. I can’t make today due to a shoulder problem. Anybody want to use my season ticket?
10.24am: What you done? Bowls injury?
10.31am: No idea. Woke up on Wednesday morning and couldn’t move my head without pain on the right side. Yesterday was OK, today same symptoms.
10.40am: The doctor says take one large rum every two hours until the pain eases.
10.43am: I heard a rumour he tried to pick his wallet up.
3.07pm: 1-0. A Croasdale header from a free-kick.
3.13pm: 2-0. Wootton. They’re fucking dire aren’t they? This is more like it from us.
3.21pm: 3-0. Croasdale again. Goal machine!
3.24pm: Madden makes it 4-0.
3.33pm: We’ve not scored for eight minutes. Challinor out.
4.15pm: 5-0. Madden header from a corner.
4.31pm: 6-0. Thanks keeper!
4.47pm: Tanto makes it 7 (SEVEN).
4.54pm: County penalty…
4.55pm: 8-0! Madden hat-trick.
4.58pm: And Palace just equalised from two down at Citeh. Cracking afternoon!
11.02pm: I do have great respect for the 90-odd Sutton supporters that decided a 400-mile round trip to Stockport to watch an 8-0 demolition in the middle of winter was a better option than Christmas shopping.
Let’s play a game of ‘Spot the Difference’!
It’s Christmas Day a week today so let’s get into the spirit of things with a fun game to play! Can you spot the difference between the two photos above? It’s tricky I know, as they’re almost identical. I’ll give you a few more seconds…
Struggling?
OK, I’ll give you the answer.
The “before” photo is your oven on Christmas Day, after it’s taken a battering with turkey and potatoes and vegetables and all sorts of festive goodies.
The “after” photo is your oven once you’ve given Fay from That Oven Girl a call, and she’s got it looking brand new for you once again.
Book your oven cleaning slot by calling Fay on 07487 252758 or email thatovengirl21@gmail.com.
27 photos from the day Stockport County scored eight goals for the first time in my life
Today in SK
🍔 Food and drink
Lunch deal at The Dog & Partridge (SK2). One course for £7 or two courses for £11. 12pm - 2pm.
Med Monday at TRUNK (SK7) between 12pm and 9pm. Enjoy three tapas dishes for £15. T&Cs apply. Call 0161 222 9260 to book a table, and mention “The Scarf My Father Wore” to receive a 15% discount off the normal tapas menu.
Start your week in style by enjoying some delicious tapas dishes (with a cheeky cocktail or two!) at La Cueva (SK8).
🎤 Live music
Acoustica at Bask (SK1). Free entry.
❓Quiz night
The George & Dragon (SK7). 7.30pm.
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Let me say I am a neutral ex United supporter who normally watches County and Salford on alternate Saturdays so obviously this week I had a problem.as Salford is slightly nearer my home and wanting to avoid the Christmas madness in town I made possibly the worst decision of my life and chose Salford.imagine my feelings watching 90 minutes of sheer boredom and feeling my phone buzzing every few minutes as the goals flew in at EP I don’t think I will ever visit Kersal ever again I have definitely learned my lesson.